The Uncanny XSE
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 21: Kurt and August go on a triple date with Kitty, Piotr, Captain America, and the Scarlet Witch.
1. Bishop's Valentine

**The Uncanny X.S.E.**

**Chapter 1: Bishop's Valentine**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Sage was in her usual place in the monitor room in the Xavier Institute, overseeing the every-day coming and going of the institute's occupants.

Sage pinpointed the view of the main gates as a familiar car drove up.

_Surveillance- Main Gate, Xavier Institute- 1407 Graymalkin Lane- Subject: Lucas Bishop, code-named Bishop._

Sage narrowed her eyes as she saw Bishop take something out of the car. She couldn't see what it was however, as Bishop was purposefully keeping it hidden. Her interest piqued, Sage decided to follow Bishop.

_Surveillance- Xavier Institute- Camera 5- Subject: Rahne Sinclair, code-named Wolfsbane. Subject: Warlock, techno-organic being._

Bishop stopped and greeted Rahne and Warlock. He was keeping his voice down so the cameras couldn't pick up what he was saying.

'I don't even know if she likes flowers, Bishop.' Rahne said.

'Since when have you ever known her?' Warlock replied. 'You've hardly said a whole sentence to each other.'

Rahne fixed Warlock with a glare.

'But I'm sure she'll love them anyway.'

Ah, so Bishop was carrying flowers, now to see who they were for. Sage continued to watch Bishop as he made his way down the corridor.

_Surveillance- Camera 18- Subject: Robert Drake, code-named Iceman. Subject: Lorna Dane, code-named Polaris. Subject: Warren Worthington III, code-named Archangel._

'Hey there Bish, those flowers for who I think they are?' Bobby asked.

Bishop merely put his finger to his lips and indicated the cameras.

'Ah, so they are for who I think…' Bobby nodded. 'It's S…'

Lorna quickly smacked Bobby upside the head, shutting him up.

'Quiet Bobby!' She hissed. 'Don't spoil the poor guy's surprise.'

'Yeah, he hardly ever gets to do stuff like this.' Warren added. 'Leave him be.'

Sage continued to observe Bishop as he neared the elevator for the lower levels.

_Surveillance- Camera 39- Subject: Talia Josephine Wagner, code-named Nocturne._

'Valentine's Day is coming up soon, Bishop.' TJ said. 'You got anybody in mind?'

'I sure have.' Bishop replied. 'Have you and Rachel got anything planned?'

'Oh just a little dirty weekend down in Florida.' TJ said, a cheeky smile spreading on her face. 'We're gonna go top up our tans, amongst other things.'

Bishop chuckled at that and stepped into the elevator.

'See you later, TJ.'

'Seeya.' TJ nodded.

Sage narrowed her eyes further more. She was starting to get suspicious. Valentine's Day was less than a week away, who could the flowers be for?

Sage watched as Bishop patiently waited for the elevator to get to its destination.

The elevator stopped and two more people got in before Bishop got out.

_Subject: Hank McCoy, code-named Beast. Subject: Emma Frost, co-headmaster of Xavier Institute._

Hank cleared his throat and smoothed his shirt. Emma did likewise and straightened her hair. The pair was quite red-faced and bedraggled; it was obvious that they were getting up to something in Hank's lab.

'Bishop.' Hank nodded.

'Hank, Emma.' Bishop replied as he made his way down the corridor.

The door to the Danger Room opened and Logan, Ororo and Kurt stepped out.

_Surveillance- Camera 69- Subject: Logan, code-named Wolverine. Subject: Ororo Monroe, code-named Storm. Subject: Kurt Wagner, code-named Nightcrawler._

'Guten Abend, Bishop.' Kurt nodded. 'I see you got the flowers you were looking for.'

'You sure she'd like them posies?' Logan asked. 'She don't look like the type ter me.'

'Oh leave the poor man alone, Logan.' Ororo replied as she swatted Logan on the arm. 'I am sure that she will love those flowers.'

'Thanks, Ororo.' Bishop nodded. 'She in her usual place?'

'Been there all day.' Logan replied.

Sage's eyes widened in shock as she realised that Bishop was heading for the monitor room. With flowers. For her. Some living computer she was, not even being able to deduce the fact that Bishop had bought her flowers as an advance Valentine's gift.

The door to the monitor room swished open as Bishop walked in.

'Hello Sage, I've brought you something.'

Sage turned around in he chair and looked at the bouquet. Orchids, her favourite.

'Bishop, they are…'

'Flowers aren't the only things I've brought you.' Bishop said as he fished something out of his pocket.

'Tickets to the ballet.' Sage stated. 'Swan Lake.'

Bishop stood there, unsure how to continue.

Sage ran several possible replies through her mind. Should she kindly turn him down and say that she was too busy with her work in the monitor room. No, that was not applicable, Sage wasn't that cold. Perhaps she should accept the gifts, when was the last time she went out on a date? Never.

'I would be honoured to accompany you to the ballet, Lucas.' Sage said, the merest hint of a smile gracing her lips.

Bishop broke in to a he smile and grabbed Sage in a huge hug.

'Oh thank you, I'll pick you up at eight, okay?'

'Lucas, you're hugging me…'

Bishop realised what he was doing and quickly broke the hug.

'Sorry…' He winced. 'I got caught up in the moment.

'There is really no need to apologise.' Sage replied. 'I liked it.'

Bishop could hardly believe his ears, Sage enjoyed a hug!

What surprised Bishop even further was the fact that Sage stepped closer and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Nothing really to get excited about, just a quick, chaste smooch.

'I shall meet you in the foyer at eight o'clock, okay?' Sage asked.

Bishop just nodded dumbly and watched Sage walk out of the monitor room.

Sage stopped at the doorway and turned to look at Bishop.

'Are you coming? I feel like having some coffee.'

'Yeah, coffee is good…' Bishop replied, still a little shocked from the sudden turn of events.

* * *

**Hellfire Club HQ, Manhattan-**

The Hellfire Club was changing. The old Black Queen had reformed and joined the Fantastic Four, so the top spot was up for grabs. The one person powerful enough to grab it was Morgan LaFey, immortal sorceress and frequent sparring partner of the Avengers.

Morgan tucked a strand of her raven hair behind her ear as she looked around at her assembled Hellfire cabinet. There was her Black King, the man only known as McCoy, dark counterpart of the X-Man Beats from an alternate dimension. Then there was one of the Black Rooks, the Russian mutant known as Omega Red. Luckily, McCoy had whipped up an antidote to Omega Red's death spores, so he and Morgan weren't in any immediate danger.

'Seeing that the rest of my operatives are away on missions, I may as well begin the meeting.' Morgan said.

'About time too.' McCoy sniffed. 'I'm damn well starving. I haven't eaten in the last… hour.'

'Patience, McCoy.' Morgan replied. 'You'll get to eat soon enough. Omega Red, how are the prisoners that your fellow Black Rook sent to us?'

'Xavier, Magneto and the Morlock woman are down below.' Omega Red replied. 'Legion is quite a worthy assistant.'

'I'm sure that the Xavier kid doesn't see it that way.' McCoy snorted. 'You know how arrogant these telepaths are.'

'And where is Legion now?' Morgan asked.

'He is assisting Deathbird in Mumbai.' Omega Red replied. 'The members of X-Corp should be here soon for McCoy's experiments.'

'Excellent.' McCoy nodded. 'I've wanted to get back at my doppelganger ever since he asked form me that time.'

'And how fares young Miss Gwendolyn?' Morgan asked.

'She should be addressing the Spider at midnight.' Omega Red replied. 'Her victims are waiting down below also.'

'And to think I doubted that you could bring people back form the dead.' McCoy snorted. 'You sure showed me.'

'I have learned a few things in my time.' Morgan nodded. 'Resurrecting Legion, Deathbird and young Gwendolyn was absolutely no trouble at all. Our plan will soon be complete gentlemen, once McCoy's mind-control device is complete, Xavier and the others will be putty in our hands. To the Hellfire Club!'

McCoy and Omega Red raised their glasses in a toast.

'To the Hellfire Club!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: A New Team, A New Hellfire Club**

_Just as the Hellfire Club has gone through some changes, so have the Uncanny X-Men, with Nightcrawler, Cannonball and Marvel Girl elsewhere, it's up to Jubilee, Skin, Archangel and Husk to take their place._


	2. A New Team, A New Hellfire Club

**The Uncanny X.S.E.**

**Chapter 2: A New Team, a New Hellfire Club**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Dates in the Marvel Universe never go very well, do they? Heh._

**GothikStrawberry- **_The Hellfire Club ruining Bishop and Sage's date? Maybe…_

**Ruby631- **_Yup, that's exactly who Morgan LaFey is._

**Needles- **_Skin is alive in the URM-Verse, I brought him back in _'Uncanny Deadpool.'

**Agent-G- **_Oh yeah, you can bet that the Hellfire Club will cause a lot of trouble in the URM-Verse._

* * *

**Hellfire Club HQ, New York-**

Morgan LaFey and Hank McCoy, the Black Queen and King, were walking along the lower levels of the Hellfire Club. They were heading for McCoy's lab where one of their new members was recovering from being brought back from the dead. The irony that she had actually been killed by one of the agents of the Hellfire Club wasn't lost on Morgan. Heck, the Hand did it often enough so why can't the Hellfire Club?

'And how is our new White Rook today?' Morgan asked as she stopped outside the appropriate cell and peered through the view screen.

'Rather well considering that she was shot several times not two weeks ago.' McCoy replied.

Morgan followed the fuzzy grey scientist and entered the lab.

'Hello Raven, how are you feeling today?' Morgan asked, her voice full of false sincerity.

'Still a little woozy.' Raven Darkholme, aka the mutant terrorist Mystique, replied. 'But getting stronger by the day.'

'Glad to hear it.' Morgan nodded. 'Perhaps you would like to join us for lunch? We have a special surprise planned for you.'

'I am feeling rather peckish.' Raven replied. 'Lead on Your Majesty.'

Morgan smiled at the sound of her title and led Raven to the dining room where the rest of the Inner Circle was waiting.

* * *

**The dining room-**

The dining room of the Hellfire Club was as you would expect for a group such as the Hellfire Club, wood panelling, shag carpets, the lot.

The Black Caste, Deathbird, Omega Red, Gwen Stacy and Legion, were sitting at the dining table awaiting the arrival of their Queen and King. They were also joined by a newly formed White Caste. The former Hellion known as Roulette was there, as were Sabretooth, the Hellfire Club having arranged for his release from SHIELD, and Magneto. The Master of Magnetism was in the thrall of the Hellfire Club after McCoy had completed his mind-control device. Sabretooth didn't need such mind-control however; as he was happy just to get another shot at the X-Men. Roulette was another successful product of the Hellfire Club's program of resurrecting dead villains. They were the White King, White Bishop and White Rook respectively.

Raven followed Morgan and McCoy over to the table. A servant held out a chair and she set down.

'There are others to come.' Morgan explained. 'Black Tom Cassidy is presently residing in a beaker in McCoy's lab. As soon as he recovers from his… escapade with the X-Men, he will take the place of your White Rook. That is if you wish to become the White Queen of course.'

'I want to see this surprise first.' Raven said.

'Very well.' Morgan nodded. She motioned to another servant and he held open a door as somebody walked in.

Raven's eyes widened in surprise as she saw who it was. The person may have been younger than she did the last time Raven saw her but it was definitely her.

'Irene?' Raven whispered, hardly believing her eyes.

'Hello Raven.' Irene Adler, formerly known as the blind mutant Destiny, said. 'It's nice to see you again.'

'Say hello to your other White Bishop, Raven.' Morgan smiled. 'Is this surprise to your taste? Will you join us?'

Raven looked across as destiny, her best friend and lover, then back to Morgan.

'You've got yourself a deal.'

'Just in time too.' Morgan smiled. 'I believe that the Black Bishops and Rooks have an assignment?'

Evil smiles spread across Legion, Deathbird, Omega Red and Gwen's faces as they got up form the table and headed off for their mission.

* * *

**Xavier's-**

The Hellfire Club weren't the only ones holding a meeting however, as were the X-Men. Scott Summers was holding court while several X-Men sat around in the War Room. Logan, Ororo, Bishop, Sage, Jubilee, Angelo, Warren and Paige waited for the co-headmaster to begin.

'Seeing that Nightcrawler and Marvel Girl are busy elsewhere, I have decided to slightly reshuffle the teams.' Scott explained.

'Whoa dude, you actually changed your mind?' Jubilee mock gasped. 'What happened to no adjustments to team rosters?'

'If I may continue, Jubilee?' Scott asked.

'Continue away.' Jubilee replied as she waved her hand regally.

Scott sighed before continuing; perhaps it wasn't such a good idea having Jubilee sit in on this meeting…

'That is why I have asked you four to come here.' Scott said as he nodded towards Jubilee, Angelo, Warren and Paige. 'You're going to join Ororo's team.'

Jubilee jumped out of her seat and punched the air.

'Booyah! I'm gonna be in a team again! In your face space coyote!'

'Space coyote?' Logan asked.

'I believe Jubilation is referring to the Simpsons episode 3F24, _El Viaje Misterioso De Nuestro Jomer.'_ Sage replied.

'Never figured you for a Simpsons fan, Sage.' Bishop said, a bemused smile spreading across his lips.

'I do have a life outside the X-Men.' Sage replied simply. 'As you found out during our date two days ago.'

'Yeah, just what happened there, Bish?' Jubilee asked. 'You guys get to rock the Kasbah?'

'Jubilation…' Ororo warned.

'Yeah, I get it.' Jubilee sighed. 'Shutting up, sheesh…'

Scott decided to finish the meeting before the meeting turned any more random.

'Well all that's left for me to say is, welcome to the X-Men…'

'We hope your survive.' Sage quipped.

The other X-Men looked at their teammate with dumbstruck expressions.

'What, am I not allowed a sense of humour?' Sage asked innocently.

Uh guys, we've got a situation…' Paige said as she looked over her new cyber shades. 'Take a look.'

The other X-Men donned their cyber shades to see what was up. A collective gasp rose from the group as they saw a news broadcast from Manhattan, it was Deathbird, Legion, Omega Red and Gwen Stacy creating chaos and general destruction.

'Doesn't anybody ever stay dead nowadays?' Warren groaned.

'I think you just answered yer own answer there, Worthington.' Logan replied.

'Perhaps I had better work on my comic timing.' Sage said. 'My attempt at humour was ill-timed, wasn't it?'

'Pretty much.' Bishop nodded.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Hellfire Club Takes Manhattan**_The X-Men take on Deathbird, Legion, Omega Red and Gwen Stacy. Manhattan never seems to have much luck, does it?_


	3. The Hellfire Club Take Manhattan

**The Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 3: The Hellfire Club Takes Manhattan**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**

* * *

Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_For the affect Gwen's return has on Peter Parker, check out _'The Uncanny Spider-Man.'

**GothikStrawberry- **_I'm glad you didn't find Jubilee's comment too random. I just put that in there on a whim. _

**Ruby631- **_Sorry, no Mystique/Destiny fluff I'm afraid. They're evil in this story. Emma Frost is in the X-Men, remember?_

**Agent-G- **_Well to be fair, the whole killing people and brainwashing into service of the Hellfire Club isn't my idea, the Hand do it all the time._

* * *

**Manhattan-**

Manhattan was in a state of chaos. No change there I grant you, being an area with the most concentrated amount of metahumans living there. This time it was the Black Bishops and Rooks of the new Hellfire Club wreaking chaos. They were the Russian former assassin Omega Red, the Shi'Ar psychopath Deathbird, the MFD-afflicted mutant known as Legion and Gwen Stacy, the newly minted Scourge of the Underworld.

Omega Red had a truck in his coils and threw it to Legion, who used his pyrokinetic powers to set its gas tank alight, destroying it in a ball of flame and metal.

Gwen had a rocket launcher in her hands. She took aim at a now-empty school bus and let rip, blowing the bus sky-high.

Deathbird meanwhile was fending off the police helicopters that were hovering nearby.

'I am the rightful heir to the Shi'Ar Empire!' Deathbird yelled as she punched out the police pilot and flung him out of the window. 'You humans are nothing compared to me!'

The remaining police officer in the helicopter raised his gun at Deathbird with shaking hands.

'F-freeze!' He said, trying to sound as authoritative as he could, but failing miserably.

'You dare raise your voice to me?' Deathbird hissed. 'I shall tear out your larynx and use it as a drink straw!'

Deathbird lashed out at the officer, slashing his throat with her talons. With all of the officers dead, the helicopter, and the ordinance contained within was hers. After quickly ejected the last officer's corpse from the cockpit, Deathbird took the controls. Now all she needed was somebody to take over the controls while she manned the guns.

As if in reply, Legion teleported into the cockpit.

'Need a hand, sweetness?' Legion asked, a wicked smile on his face.

'Take control of this vehicle while I man the weapons.' Deathbird commanded.

Legion merely nodded in reply.

'Don't hog it.' He said. 'I wanna shoot some stuff too.'

Deathbird just ignored him and let rip with the sniper rifle, picking off any police officers that strayed too near to her teammates.

Back on the ground, Omega Red was about to about to crush a squad car, with officers still in it when he was zapped with a bolt of lighting, sending him crashing into a milk truck.

'Who dares?'

'We dare.' Storm replied, her powers holding her aloft in the air. 'Surrender now or we will have to take drastic measures.'

Omega Red just let out a roar of rage as he threw the patrol car at the weather witch. Fortunately, Storm manoeuvred herself out of the way and readied herself for another lighting bolt. It never came however, as she let out a scream of pain and clutched her head; Legion had just zapped her with a mind bolt.

'I gotcha, 'Ro!' Wolverine said as he caught his friend and teammate.

'We must stop them.' Storm said weakly. 'No more death…'

'On it, Boss Lady.' Wolverine nodded as he unsheathed his claws. 'Red, your ass is **mine!**'

'Then let us do battle!' Omega Red replied as his Carbonadium coils whipped out towards the feral Canadian.

Elsewhere, Sage and Bishop were dealing with Gwen Stacy. Even though the pair were highly trained mutants, they were having trouble dealing with the young woman's extensive arsenal of weaponry.

'Gwen, please stop this.' Bishop said as he dived for cover from her gunfire. 'This isn't you. You were a kind, gentle young woman.'

'The old Gwen died when that bastard Osborn threw her off the George Washington Bridge!' Gwen snarled. 'I'm all there is now! I'm not going to be the victim any more!'

'The Hellfire Club must have done awful things to her mind for her to react like this.' Bishop said. 'From what I've heard of her, Gwen Stacy would never do anything like this.'

'There's the Hellfire Club for you.' Sage replied. 'They are always thorough. Even when I was Sebastian Shaw's assistant.'

'Did you ever do anything like this?' Bishop asked. 'Resurrect people and brainwash them into service to the Hellfire Club?'

'Not to the best of my knowledge.' Sage replied. 'And I knew practically all there was about the Hellfire Club. These resurrections must be recent additions to the Club's resume.'

'Do you think Shaw's behind this?' Bishop asked.

'Unlikely.' Sage replied. 'He hasn't been sighted ever since Rahne's team encountered him in Paris several moths ago.'

'Man, talk about expositional dialogue. Anything else you guys wanna tell us about? Who's screwing who maybe?'

Bishop and Sage cursed their carelessness, with all their talking; they had neglected the moment at hand and gave the enemy a chance to gain the upper hand.

Gwen pointed her twin pistols at the pair.

'Geez Sage, I would expected better from you. Some living computer you are. What's the matter, emotions clouding your judgement? Tut-tut, so careless. Oh, and I wouldn't try to make a move against me, dearie. Legion's got you all monitored and if you even look at me wrong, he'll melt your brains.'

Gwen paused for a moment as she contemplated that.

'Aww screw it, I'll let him zap you anyway.'

Both Bishop and Sage let out yells of pain as Legion zapped them with mind bolts.

'Homo Superior my ass.' Gwen snorted.

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Jubilee was pissed off beyond belief, her first official mission after coming back to the X-Men and she's stuck in the Blackbird. Paige and Angelo were also there, the Hellfire Club were classed as too dangerous a foe for the young trio.

'This frickin' sucks.' Jubilee muttered. 'I wouldn'ta took this crap back in the old days. Why, back when I was with BLEW…'

'Jubes, please…' Paige groaned. 'We're all pissed off about being stuck here. But try to think why Ororo told us to stay here.'

'They keep on treatin' me like a frickin' kid!' Jubilee ranted. 'I'm a grown woman fer Chrissakes! I can fend for myself.'

'Chica, they were only looking out for us.' Angelo said, trying to clam his girlfriend down. 'The Hellfire Club are tough hombres.'

'And the guys we fought in Gen-X weren't?' Jubilee asked. 'We fought Omega Red once, remember?'

'But he ended up taking us all down before Jono took care of him.' Angelo reminded her.

'Aww screw this.' Jubilee muttered as she unbuckled herself. 'I'm gonna go out there.'

'Jubes, wait!' Paige said, reaching out for her friend. 'It could be dangerous.'

'I eat danger for breakfast.' Jubilee muttered as she carefully peeked out of the door before hopping out.

'The chica is loco.' Angelo groaned. 'But I love her. I'm going out there too.'

'I'll come with.' Paige replied. 'You'll never know when Warren could need his butt saving. And that's part of him that I like the most.'

Paige husked herself into a more dense form and followed Angelo outside into the battlefield.

Back with the Hellfire Club- 

The X-Men weren't faring very well against the Hellfire Club. Storm was still unconscious after Legion zapped her with a mind bolt. Omega Red had impaled Wolverine on a spike. Gwen had taken Bishop and Sage hostage. Archangel as the only free X-Men and that wasn't going to last, if the police helicopter that Deathbird and Legion still commanded had anything to do with it.

Archangel narrowly avoided having his wings clipped by the gunfire coming from the helicopter that was forever dogging his every move.

'Stay still and die X-Men!' Deathbird yelled as she let rip with more gunfire.

'You villains make me laugh.' Archangel replied. 'You expect me to just lie down and surrender? You must have read the wrong guide book.'

Deathbird just snarled in reply and pressed the trigger on her gun. _Click._ Out of ammunition. Deathbird snarled in rage and discarded the gun.

'I'm going to tear this puny Terran limb-from-limb.' Deathbird snarled to herself as she climbed out of the helicopter and took to the air.

Deathbird never got to lay her hands on Archangel however, as a rock struck her on the head.

'Get your filthy mitts of my man, you skank!' Husk demanded.

Deathbird just hovered in the air and sneered down at the young woman with contempt.

'If you think mere rocks can harm me, you are mistaken, Terran.' She snorted. 'And now you shall die!'

'Says you, woman!' Archangel yelled as he rammed into the alien's back. 'Nobody lays a finger on the woman I love!'

'You fool!' Deathbird hissed as they plummeted to the ground. 'You'll kill us both!'

'A chance I'm willing to take.' Archangel replied.

Elsewhere, Skin was contending with Omega Red. The Russian killing machine had Skin in the clutches of his coils and was crushing the life out of him.

'Ha! I have beaten you before and I shall beat you again!' Omega Red boasted.

'Oh yeah, esse?' Skin replied. 'You got something in your eye.'

'What…?'

Angelo stretched out one of his fingers, poking Omega Red in the eye. The Russian mutant let out a yell of pain and let go of Skin.

'You will die for that!' He snarled.

'Ladies first!' Skin replied as he stretched his arms around Omega Red's legs, tripping him up.

'You cannot stop me!' Omega Red yelled. 'I am Omega Re…'

Omega Red's boasts were cut off as Deathbird fell on top of him, raking his face with her talons, eliciting another yell of pain from the Russian mutant.

'Woman, that was the last insult!' Omega Red snarled as he covered his face. 'You shall pay dearly.'

'You dare to speak to me like that, Terran?' Deathbird snarled back. 'You shall be the one to pay…'

Skin quickly took that as his chance to escape while the pair were at each other's necks.

Meanwhile, Husk was contending with Gwen Stacy. Gwen kept on firing a salvo of bullets against Husk but they kept on ricocheting harmlessly off the mutant's steel skin.

'C'mon, c'mon. Fall down already.' Gwen hissed.

'Nuh-uh, sweetie.' Husk replied. 'You're the one that's supposed to fall down.'

Gwen tried to block but Husk socked her on the chin with a steel fist, knocking her out cold.

'Bishop, Sage, you guys okay?' Husk asked concernedly as she knelt down beside the pair.

'Nothing's hurt except our pride.' Bishop replied. 'They took us down like rookies.'

'We haven't won yet.' Husk replied. 'Jubilee is seeing to Legion.'

Bishop and Sage looked to where Jubilee was combating Legion, who was still piloting the helicopter. In the heat of the fight, Legion had forgone using his telepathy to subdue his opponent, instead electing to try and shred her with the helicopter's rotor blades.

'C'mon buddy, is that the bets you got?' Jubilee taunted. 'My dead grandma can fight better than you!'

Legion just snarled and turned the nose of the helicopter towards the ground, aiming the rotor blades towards Jubilee.

'Just where I wanted you, sucker.' Jubilee muttered as she readied up a firework. She lobbed the firework at the helicopter, creating a blinding flash.

Legion yelled in pain as he clutched his eyes.

'You bitch! I'm blind! I can't see!'

Jubilee dived out of the way as the helicopter Legion was commanded started to careen wildly about.

'Fire in the hole!' Jubilee yelled, grabbing the attentions of the others.

Husk, Skin, Bishop and Sage gathered up their unconscious teammates and dragged them to cover just as the helicopter clipped the side of a building and hit the floor, bursting into flames. The ensuing explosion caught a still brawling Omega Red and Deathbird, catapulting them into the air.

'Well I call this mission a success.' Jubilee said, dusting herself off. 'The bad guys went boom and we came out of this relatively unscathed.'

'Speak fer yerself, Lee…' Wolverine groaned. 'God, I hate gettin' impaled…'

'No need to thank us.' Jubilee sighed. 'We only saved your asses. Ya shouldn'ta left us in the Blackbird then, should ya?'

'I'm never gonna hear the end of this, am I?' Wolverine groaned.

'No way.' Jubilee snickered. 'I'm gonna milk this for all it's worth!'

'We had better gather Ms Stacy and the others up so we can hand them over to the authorities.' Bishop said.

'We would, if they were still here.' Husk replied.

'Oh, crap.' Skin groaned. 'Where'd they all go?'

'Damn pesky Hellfire Club.' Jubilee muttered. 'Musta teleported 'em away.'

'But in the end, we won, right?' Husk asked. 'Right?'

'I believe we did, Paige.' Sage replied. 'We defeated the villains. I dare say the situation causes for a celebration. Would anybody care to join me in a round of _booyahs_?'

The rest of the team just looked at the living computer with perplexed expressions.

'Perhaps not…' Sage sighed.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Jubilation Lee, Danger in a B-Cup**

_Jubilee experiences the dubious joys of her secondary mutation. How much of the X-Mansion will remain standing once Ms Lee finds out just how powerful she is? Tune in next time to find out in… _'The Uncanny XSE!'


	4. Jubilation Lee, Danger in a BCup

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 4: Jubilation Lee, Danger in a B-Cup**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Ruby631- **_There is now way that Jubilee would make out with regular Legion, he's a psycho and he has a Mohawk. Eww! More randomness from Sage soon._

**GothikStrawberry- **_Oh yeah, you can bet that Jubilee will never let the grown-ups live that down. Heh._

**Needles- **_I have already written an Avengers: Evolution fic but I deleted it due to lack of interest._

**Agent-G- **_I thought having Jubes and co save the adults was pretty cool. The comics keep on forgetting just how cool Jubilee, Skin and Husk are. It's conceivable that Jubilee has gone up a cup size since the old days. Hell, just look at Rahne when she came back, she was frickin' huge! Emma Frost huge even._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I'm the only gay in the village.'- _**Daffyd Thomas (Little Britain)**

* * *

**Jubilee's room-**

It was late in the morning at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning and Jubilation Lee was up and about already.

Now usually, Jubilee wouldn't be up until midday but today she didn't feel like sleeping in. She felt stoked.

Jubilee walked up to her bedroom mirror and admired her reflection. She puffed her chest out and cocked a curious brow. She looked down at her yellow shirted chest. She seemed… bigger.

'Hunh, you finally decided to grow.' Jubilee said to her cleavage. 'About time too. Not gonna let Hayseed show _me_ up on the big boobies front.'

Back when she was a member of Generation-X, Jubilee was often jealous of the looks that Paige and Monet, her other female teammates, got from the guys. They were always the hot looking ones with cleavage you could crush a nut with. Jubilee was just the boyish one that always got overlooked. That was about to change.

Jubilee wiggled her nose as she started to feel an itch. The kind of itch that inevitably led to a sneeze.

'A-aaa-aaaa-_CHOO!_'

Jubilee let rip with an almighty sneeze. A sneeze so mighty that it blew a hole in the wall to the next bedroom.

'_Jubilee!'_ Paige yelped as she covered herself up with her hands. 'What the Hell are ya doin'?'

Jubilee just wiped her nose and smirked at the sight before her. Paige was sat atop Warren with a cowboy hat on her head. It didn't take a genius to see what they were doing.

'Umm, this isn't what it looks like…' An embarrassed Warren added.

'I'll tell ya what it looks like to me.' Jubilee said, visibly amused at having caught her friend in the act. 'It's looks like the Hayseed's ridin' ya like a horse. Didn't take ya for the kinky type, Paigey.'

'If you hadn't noticed already, there's a great big hole in our _wall._' Paige glared as she wrapped a sheet around her body. 'And I'd like to get it fixed before anybody else catches us like this.'

'Hey Paige, nice hat!'

'_Up yours, Drake!'_

* * *

**The Danger Room, later-**

Jubilee didn't let a honking big hole in her bedroom wall spoil her day as she joined the rest of her former Generation-X members in the Danger Room for a quick training session. It wasn't often that Jubilee and Angelo often got to get together with Jono, Penny and Paige, seeing that they were on separate teams and all. Danger Room session seemed to be the only way that they could get together so they always made the best of the limited time they had together before another random enemy popped up to ruin the peace.

The chosen backdrop for today's session was Genosha, pre-Sentinel destruction of course. It was your average every-mutant-for-themselves scenario as the aim was to tag their opponents with your powers before they could tag you.

Jubilee kept to the shadows as she snuck along the streets. She peered around a corner to see Angelo trying desperately to avoid a blast of energy form Jono's torso.

'C'mon Jono, is that the best you got?' Angelo taunted as he somersaulted away from the British mutant. 'I thought you were supposed to be a badass, yo.'

'_I'll show you just how much of a badass I can be, _yo._'_ Jono replied as he let his bio-kinetic blasts spill out of his torso. _'Now I just need to bloody catch you…'_

Angelo just laughed out loud as he vaulted onto the hood of a car.

'You couldn't catch a cold, esse. Not even with an electrified cold-catching machine.'

Jono let rip with another blast. Unfortunately, Angelo leapt over that and extended his finger, poking Jono in the eye.

'_Ow! Bloody hell!' _Jono hissed as he placed his hand on his eye. _'That was a dirty bloody trick!'_

'Thems the breaks, m'man.' Angelo said with an apologetic smile. 'And that just went to prove that nobody can defeat the Almighty Angelo! I am invincible!'

'Almighty _this_, sucker!' Jubilee said as she leapt out form her hiding place and threw a firework at her boyfriend.

Unfortunately, the glob of energy wasn't one of Jubilee's usual energy plasmoids. That much was evident as the ball of energy exploded against Angelo's chest and sent him catapulting through a car windscreen.

'_Shit!'_ Jubilee hissed' 'Angelo! I am _so_ sorry! Are you okay?'

'M'okay…' Angelo whimpered. 'I'm jus' gonna lie here for a sec, 'kay…'

'_Christ Lee, what did you **do** to him?'_ Jono winced as he looked over the carnage that Jubilee had wrought.

'I honestly don't know.' Jubilee replied as she looked at her hands. 'This is the second time today I've blown something up without realising.'

'_Yeah, I heard about Paige and the cowboy thing.'_ Jono chuckled.

'Oh that's just _wonderful._' Paige groaned as she and Penny walked up to see what all the fuss was about. 'I'm never going to live that down…'

Paige did a double take at the sight of Angelo stuck butt-first in a car windscreen.

'What the…'

'I kinda blew him up…' Jubilee winced as she rubbed the back of her neck. 'It was an accident…'

'Is he okay?' Penny asked as she peered into the car. 'It looks painful.'

'Never felt better, chica.' Angelo replied weakly. 'I'm just gonna sit here until the Danger Room stops spinning…'

* * *

**Hank's lab- **

Jubilee was sat on one of the examination tables in Hank's lab while the fuzzy blue doctor examined the results of his latest test. After the incident in the Danger Room, it was decided that Jubilee should go to see what the heck was wrong with her.

'So what's the sitch, Blue?' Jubilee asked. 'I'm dyin' of curiosity here.'

Hank pushed his glasses back onto his nose as he looked at the young mutant.

'Well, according to my results, you are experiencing your secondary mutation. While your primary mutation was rather…'

'Lame?' Jubilee asked.

'Low-key.' Hank replied. 'It seems that your secondary mutation has boosted the power levels of your fireworks.'

'About damn time too.' Jubilee grinned. 'Now who's got a lame power?'

'Just… try to be a little bit more careful.' Hank winced. 'We are all fully aware of the goings-on of this morning and I somehow doubt that young Ms. Guthrie will appreciate the destruction of her bedroom wall once more.'

Jubilee was too busy with a victory dance to take any notice.

'Oh yeah! Go Jubes, it's your birthday! Who's got kickass powers? Jubes does! Oh yeah. Go me, go me…'

Hank just removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

'We are all doomed…'

* * *

**Outside-**

Outside, somewhere near the lake at the back of the institute's boundaries, Bishop and Sage were jogging together.

'It's great that you joined me here Sage, but aren't you afraid that Jubilee and the others will talk?' Bishop asked.

'Jubilation can gossip as much as she likes, Lucas.' Sage replied. 'There is nothing going on here except two friends and teammates jogging.'

'And here I was thinking that you were ogling my butt.' Bishop snickered.

'Perhaps that is the case too.' Sage replied, the merest hint of a smile gracing her lips.

'You should really do that more often.' Bishop smiled.

'What, smile?' Sage asked. 'I smile often enough. It just seems that I do it more often when you're around…'

'Jubilee's right.' Bishop grinned. 'You do _sooo_ want me.'

'Perhaps…' Sage replied coyly. 'Now, are we going to finish this jog or carry on flirting like teenagers?'

'I kind of liked the flirting actually.' Bishop shrugged.

Sage just shook her head and sped up so she was in the lead.

'Oh no you don't…' Bishop said as he sped up too. 'You're not going to get away that easily.'

Sage just smiled back at him and stuck her tongue out as she sped up once more.

Bishop laughed out loud at that and followed.

Bishop slowed down as he saw Sage stop and look back.

'Lucas! Look out!'

Bishop slowed down to see what she was on about but was struck down by some kind of energy blast.

'Bad move, whoever you are…' Bishop growled as he stood up, his hands glowing as his energy absorption powers began to kick in. 'I absorb energy…'

'Then perhaps I should put a bullet in your brain instead.' The mystery attacker said.

Bishop looked up into the air to see a dark-skinned young woman with, her black hair in short dreadlocks and marks on her face that identified her as a member of the Shi'Ar.

'Who the Hell are you?' Bishop asked.

'I am Aliyah Bishop.' The young woman replied. 'I am your daughter…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Sins of the Daughter**

_Who is this mysterious young woman that claims to be Bishop's daughter and why is she trying to kill him? Tune in next time to find out…_


	5. Sins of the Daughter

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 5: Sins of the Daughter**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**GothikStrawberry- **_Oh, I haven't finished with the hat thing just yet. Paige and Warren have got a long way to go until Jubilee has finished making fun. Yes, Aliyah is from the future._

**Ruby631- **_Nope, Aliyah Bishop isn't an OC. She's a real X-Men character. Mwa-ha-haaa. More hat wackiness with Warren and Paige soon._

**Aaron- **_Jubilee will get to have some fun with her new powers soon. As for Warren and Paige's little bit of kinkiness, you'll just have to wait and see…_

**Agent-G- **_No offence or anything but, what exactly do you have against X-Men: The End? I kinda liked it. Okay, loads of my favourite characters died but you have to take the rough with the smooth sometimes. Chris Claremont wrote it by the way. _

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Jubilee, Angelo, Paige and Warren were in the X-Mansion's kitchen celebration Jubilee's newfound kickass powers.

'Here's to you, Jubes.' Paige grinned as she raised her glass. 'Congrats on finally getting some powers that don't suck.'

'Oh hardy-har-har, Hayseed.' Jubilee cracked. 'Ya crackin' me up.'

'But seriously Jubilee…' Warren added. 'Congratulations on the spiffy new powers. Just try not to blow a hole in our wall next time, okay?'

'I promise nothing.' Jubilee sniffed. 'Why do care anyway, Wings? Afraid somebody else is gonna find out about you and Paige's kinky little secret?'

'Oh yes, thanks for that, Lee.' Paige sighed. 'I swear, if I hear one more cowboy line from Bobby Drake, I'm gonna turn him into a Squishie!'

'Yippie-kay-yay, Hayseed!' A laughing Bobby taunted from the hallway.

'That's it, Drake!' Paige snarled as she leapt from her seat. 'You're going down!'

The other three mutants just watched the irate Kentuckian storm off.

'Shouldn't we do something to stop her?' Warren asked. 'Paige sure looks like she has murder in mind.'

'_You_ go and stop her then, Worthington.' Jubilee smirked as she admired her nails. 'I've known Paige longer than you and I know better than to stop her when she goes on a rampage.'

'But Bobby…'

'Look at it this way…' Jubilee added. 'If she does manage to cut him up into little pieces, at least we'll all have ice for our drinks.'

'You are one evil woman, Jubilation Lee.' Warren sighed.

'I try my best.' Jubilee replied with a grin.

Jubilee then turned to look at Angelo. The grey-skinned mutant was peering out of the window.

'Whassup Ange? Don't tell me Jeannie got drunk again and is streaking through the grounds.'

'I wish.' Angelo sighed. His expression then turned to one of worry 'I think Bishop's in trouble.'

Jubilee peered out of the window to see Bishop battling somebody in some kind of cybernetic flying suit.

'Well, it looks like it's time for us young 'uns to go save the oldies' asses again.' Jubilee sighed as she cracked her knuckles in preparation. 'Angelo, to the JubesMobile!'

'Your moped?' Angelo blinked.

'What?' Jubilee blinked innocently. 'It's a good moped.'

'It's pink.' Angelo noted.

'What? I like pink.'

* * *

**Outside-**

Bishop rolled to the side as the young woman who referred to herself as Aliyah blasted the ground where his head was mere seconds ago.

'Shards!' Aliyah hissed. 'Stop moving so I can kill you!'

'Not until you tell me why you're here.' Bishop growled as he got to his feet. 'Why are you trying to kill me?'

'The more you try to prolong this, the more painful your eventual death will be.' Aliyah grunted as she swooped in, aiming to decapitate Bishop with the battle suit's razor-sharp wings.

Fortunately, Bishop dodged once more.

'You _can't_ be from my time.' Bishop reasoned as he dodged another blow from the girl. 'The only family that I had back then was Shard and my grandfather. And they're dead. How can you be my daughter?'

Bishop finally noticed the markings on Aliyah's face and it all clicked in his mind.

'Your mother…'

'Correct.' Aliyah nodded, confirming Bishop's suspicions. 'I am the result of your short-lived liaison with Cal'syee Neramani. Also known as Deathbird.'

'H-how can this be?' Bishop stammered in shock. 'You should only be a few years old. But you're…'

'Twenty-one.' Aliyah answered. 'Perfectly old enough to rend your skin from your bones!'

Aliyah pulled a knife from a sheath on her shoulder and threw it at Bishop. The knife never met its intended target, as it was incinerated in a blast of energy.

'Get your stinking hands off him, you damned dirty… Uhhh… Okay, perhaps I haven't thought this through properly…'

'Get away from Bishop, you skank!' Paige yelled. 'Or so help me God, I'll kick your stinking butt all the way to New Jersey!'

'Whoa.' Jubilee a very impressed breathed. 'Hardcore, Hayseed. We're talkin' the Wolverine school of talkin' smack. Bitchin'!'

'Lee, we're supposed to be fighting, remember?' Paige sighed.

'Oh yeah, right.' Jubilee nodded. 'Priorities.'

The Asian mutant turned back to Aliyah.

'Do what the Hayseed says, Chippie, or I'll kick you from Jersey all the way to Timbuktu.'

'Do you actually _know_ where Timbuktu is?' Angelo asked with his arms crossed and a deadpan look on his face.

'Nope.' Jubilee shook her head. 'But it sure sounds cool, right?'

'My assignment does not concern you X-Men.' Aliyah sneered. 'I will kill Lucas Bishop and leave. If you try to stop me, you will all meet the same fate.'

'We'd better be careful here, guys.' Warren whispered. 'If this woman can take down Sage, just imagine how easily she can take us down.'

'But she doesn't know I have these spiffy new powers, does she?' Jubilee smirked cockily.

'Do you wish to share the same fate as Lucas Bishop?' Aliyah asked arrogantly. 'Do you wish to die?'

'Been there, done that.' Angelo sniffed as his hands lashed out at the woman, preparing to restrain her.

'Angelo Espinosa.' Aliyah noted. 'Codename of Skin. Has the ability of several feet of super-pliable skin. Should be dead. No matter. You will find that you will not be as fortunate this time…'

Before Angelo could even defend himself, Aliyah grabbed his hands with alarming speed and stuck them to the ground with a knife.

Angelo screamed in pain, the memories of getting crucified by the Church of Humanity still fresh in his mind.

'**Bitch!**' Jubilee snarled in rage as she readied up a ball of energy. 'I'm gonna turn you into barbeque!'

Jubilee, don't…' Paige warned, trying to clam her friend down. 'X-Men don't kill.'

'Screw that!' Jubilee yelled as the ball of energy got bigger. 'The bitch hurt Angelo. Her ass is mine!'

Jubilee let out a feral roar that would have made Wolverine proud as she tossed the ball of energy at Aliyah. The young woman tried to deflect it with a force field but ended up being flung through the trees beyond.

'Wow. Remind me n_ever_ to piss you off.' Bishop commented as he scratched the back of his head.

Jubilee ignored the elder X-Man's comments as she knelt to inspect Angelo's wounds.

'Oh God Ange…' Jubilee whimpered, tears beginning to fill her eyes. 'I can't believe I let you get hurt again…'

'Hey, de nada, chica.' Angelo shrugged, gritting his teeth through the pain. 'Once you've died, stuff like this kinds loses its impact, y'know?'

'But… you're hurt.' Jubilee sobbed.

'Pff, just hook me up to some of Worthington's magic blood and I'll be up and copping a feel in no time.' Angelo chuckled weakly. 'But first I need to get this damn knife out of my hand. Ow.'

'Oooh, what did I miss?' Sage groaned as she sat up and rubbed her head.

'Jubilee kicking butt with her powers.' Warren told the living computer. 'She sure showed that woman who was the boss.'

'I can't believe I let myself get beaten like that.' Sage groused. 'Like a damn amateur.'

'To be fair, you were pretty distracted.' Paige grinned. 'Y'know, getting flirty with Bishop and all.'

Sage glared daggers as the young mutant.

'Shouldn't you be riding a horse right about now?' Sage teased. 'Oh wait no, his name is Warren…'

'_Zing!_' Angelo snickered as he rubbed his bloody hand. 'Stick that in your cowboy hat and smoke, it Hayseed!'

'I hate you all.' Paige sneered.

**

* * *

Elsewhere-**

Far from being dead, as the X-Men had originally thought, Aliyah was barely singed by the blast. Jubilee's attack had knocked the breath out of her lungs though.

Aliyah leant against a tree and breathed heavily.

'Forgive me, mother. I have failed…' Aliyah gasped.

'Fear not, daughter.' A sinister voice replied from the shadows. 'We will always have another chance to wreak our revenge on Bishop.'

Aliyah looked up to see her mother, Deathbird, new Black Bishop of the Hellfire Club, step out from the shadows.

'But… I failed.' Aliyah repeated. 'I couldn't even defeat a small band of X-Men.'

'It was your first time, dear.' Deathbird soothed as she placed a comforting hand on her daughter's shoulder. 'Now, come along back to the mansion. We will give McCoy a visit to make sure those nasty X-Men haven't hurt you too bad, okay?'

'Okay…' Aliyah reluctantly conceded.

'After that, how about we visit the kitchen and search through the refrigerator for something to eat. I hear that Morgan has especially bought some of that ice-cream you like.'

Aliyah slightly brightened at that.

'Yes. I think I would like that.'

'Good girl.' Deathbird smiled.

And without another word, the pair disappeared in a flash of light back to the Hellfire Club.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Russian Rumble**

_The Brotherhood of Mutants is back! This time they have taken control over a Russian nuclear power station and threaten to detonate it unless the world's governments step down to mutant rule. Featuring new Brotherhood members: Wild Child, Tarot and Scalphunter!_


	6. Russian Rumble: Part 1

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 6: Russian Rumble- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Sean Malloy-1- **_We'll have to wait and see about the Hellfire Club…_

**GothikStrawberry- **_I always enjoy writing for Sage. She's so random. Well, she is in the URM-Verse. _

**Aaron- **_Paige and Warren will never live down the hat thing if Jubilee has anything to do with it. _

**Needles- **_That was a rather judgemental comment about Jubilee, don't you think? I'm sure that not all Asian women have small breasts. Along with that comment you made a while back about only British people drinking tea._

**Agent-G- **_Jubilee with a pink moped. Heh. Funnily enough, Jubes got her own (pink) moped in her limited series. Timbuktu? I think it's somewhere in North Africa. _

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Jubilee, Paige, Angelo and Warren were chilling out in the rec room, having a quick game of boys versus girls pool. The girls were winning two games to one.

'This game isn't fair, chica.' Angelo whined. 'How do we know you didn't get pool hustling skills along with your spiffy new energy powers?'

'Cuz that's a lame idea, Ange.' Jubilee sighed, shaking her head, as she took her shot and potted another ball. 'You just suck at this game.'

'Don't see why we can't play Twister.' Angelo sniffed.

'Because you cheat on it.' Paige replied. 'Mister Stretchy-Grey-Skin.'

'I for one am just pleased to have some downtime between missions.' Warren added.

'And it helps that said downtime is with your jailbait girlfriend, right?' Jubilee teased.

'I am _not_ jailbait!' Paige hissed. 'I'm older than you.'

'Not by much.' Jubilee snorted. 'Only like, three months.'

'Whatever.' Paige shrugged. 'I'm still older.'

'Can you _please_ hurry up and take the next shot?' Angelo groaned. 'This game is humiliating enough.'

'You've never been hustled by Hank McCoy, have you?' Warren chuckled. 'Talk about humiliating. Back in the day, Bobby and I always ended up victims to Hank's hustling.'

'Yeah, most probably cuz Scott was too busy brooding over Jean or arranging his underwear in alphabetical order to even consider having fun' Jubilee snickered.

'You guys may joke about Scott having a stick up his ass, but it was all true.' Warren continued. 'Every single word.'

'In my day…' Jubilee teased.

'I'm not _that _old.' Warren sighed.

'Yet here you are hanging out with the young 'uns.' Jubilee continued, relishing in Warren's discomfort.

'Jubes, stop teasing my man.' Paige groaned. 'Hurry up and finish the game. Some of us have more important things to do.'

'Yeah, I wonder what those things could be.' Angelo snickered.

Paige just shot the grey-skinned mutant a withering glare.

'_X-Men, report to the War Room immediately._' A voice ordered in the quartet's heads. It was Professor Xavier.

'Geez.' Jubilee groaned as she rubbed her temples. 'At least Frosty said please.'

'No she didn't.' Angelo remembered. 'Emma never said please. Or thank you for that matter.'

'Just shut up and move, will ya?' Jubilee groused. 'These telepaths ain't got no common decency nowadays.'

* * *

**The War Room-**

Professor Xavier held court as he briefed the X-Men on their latest mission.

'I apologise for the abruptness of this briefing.' Xavier explained. 'But there has been some disturbing undertakings in Russia.'

'Like what?' Jubilee piped up. 'People drinking loads of vodka? Eating turnips? Help me here. Throw me a bone here. I need the info.'

'Jubilation…' Ororo warned the young girl.

'All right.' Jubilee sighed. 'Stop teasing, Jubilation. Stop talking, Jubilation. Stop doing… stuff, Jubilation. It's amazing that I can do anything in this place. Wouldn'ta got this gyp when I was working with Deadpool and Betsy.'

With Jubilee suitably admonished, Xavier continued with the briefing.

'As I was about to say, there is a situation in Russia. Colonel Fury called. Apparently the Brotherhood has taken over a nuclear power plant and is holding Russia to ransom. They are threatening to detonate the power plant's central core if their requests are not met.'

'Just what would the Brotherhood's requests be, professor?' Bishop asked. 'Are they in it for money or just world domination?'

'I am willing to wager that the Brotherhood is aiming for world domination.' Sage responded. 'Exodus has never struck me to be somebody more concerned with monetary gain.'

'Perhaps that is the case, Sage.' Ororo nodded. 'But we must stop the Brotherhood. Goddess knows how many people will die if the Brotherhood carries out their threat.'

'I've been itchin' fer a fight with those guys.' Logan rumbled as he unsheathed his claws with an evil grin. 'I wanna see if Toad's tongue's grown back since I cut it off.'

'Don't you mean since Magik cut off his tongue?' Paige remembered. 'I think that happened the last time Rahne's team fought the Brotherhood.' **(1)**

'I'm gonna cut somebody any way.' Logan shrugged. 'Toad, Avalanche, whoever.'

'Be calm, Logan.' Ororo told her friend. 'Save it for the upcoming fight.'

'Geez, Wolvie.' Jubilee snickered. 'Ro's got you so whipped.'

'Jubilation…' Logan sighed.

'Be quiet.' Jubilee rolled her eyes. 'I got it. Geez. Sorry fer talking.'

* * *

**Somewhere in Russia-**

Toad sighed heavily as he leant against the wire fence that kept intruders out of the nuclear power plant that he and the Brotherhood had taken over.

'Why do I always get the crappy guard duties?' Toad groused to himself as he struggled to warm himself up. 'If it's not getting my tongue cut off by freaking X-Men, I have to freeze my ass off on guard duty. I woulda never got this crap with Magneto. At least he treated me with some kind of respect. Okay. Perhaps not as much respect as I'd like but I can wish. At least Bucket-Head wasn't as annoying as Exodus. That guy is so gay for Magneto. It makes me sick. I'd even go back to working for Mystique given half the chance. Anything's better than working for Exodus the wannabe Messiah.'

Toad narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he noticed something moving out of the corner of his eye.

'The cold must be getting to me.' Toad shook his head. 'I'm hallucinating.'

Toad's head darted around as he heard footsteps crunching through snow.

'Avalanche, that you? Blob? Stacy? Stop messing around guys.'

Toad gasped in surprise as he felt something wrap itself around his neck.

'What the…?' Toad gurgled as he clawed at the stretchy grey stuff.

'That would be me, esse.' Angelo grinned as he constricted his fingers around Toad's neck, pulling him into the shadows.

'Aww, crap.' Toad groaned. 'Not the X-Men.'

'Oh yes, it's the X-Men.' Jubilee grinned. 'And we're here to kick your ass.'

'Just don't cut off my tongue.' Toad whimpered. 'Please. Twice is enough. Just… Be gentle. I never wanted to come to Russia. I was perfectly content to stay in jail. But _noooo_, Exodus wanted to bust us _all_ out.'

'I never realised you were such a whinger, Toad.' Warren tutted. 'You've also developed a surprising yellow streak.'

'It's not cowardice.' Toad responded sagely with a nod. 'Just self-preservation.'

'Whatever.' Sage shrugged. 'You're still beaten.'

'You're going to knock me out, aren't you?' Toad sighed.

'Oh yes.' Bishop grinned, knocking the bouncy mutant out with a swift punch to the face.

'Bishop, was there really any need to do that?' Ororo sighed.

'What?' Bishop asked innocently. 'He was annoying.'

'I woulda done the same thing.' Logan shrugged.

'Ditto.' Paige added. 'And you know how even-tempered I am.'

'Apart from the times when people make fun of your hat thing.' Jubilee teased.

'Shut up, Lee.' Paige groused.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Russian Rumble- Part 2**

_The X-Men Vs the Brotherhood. Again. 'Nuff said._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Wolfsbane and her team fought the Brotherhood in '_Uncanny New Mutants._'_


	7. Russain Rumble: Part 2

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 7: Russian Rumble: Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Somewhere in Russia-**

In the nuclear power station that the Brotherhood of Mutants had just taken over, several members of the team were kicking back and playing poker while they waited for the inevitable clash with the X-Men.

'God, I'm bored…' Avalanche sighed. 'Who would have thought that a job in Russia would be so boring?'

'And whatever security this place had was hardly worth the effort.' Blob added. 'We shoulda stayed in prison.'

'And miss out on all this fun?' The snake-skinned former prostitute known as Stacy-X snorted. 'On second thought…'

Fortunately for the bored mutants, action came sooner than they thought when alarms began to blare through the power station.

'Awright!' Blob crowed. 'Time to kick some ass!'

And with that, Avalanche and Stacy followed the expansive mutant out of the room in search of X-Men to beat on.

Elsewhere, the Brotherhood's newest members, Scalphunter, Wild Child and Tarot were getting their orders from Exodus.

'Our time is now, people...' Exodus, the self-styled mutant Messiah explained. 'You three have all faced the X-Men in one form or another, but not as part of the invincible Brotherhood of Mutants! We cannot _possibly_ be beaten now!'

'And I thought Sinister talked a lot...' The Marauder known as Scalphunter muttered to himself. 'The guy sure likes to hear his own voice.'

'Scalphunter, _shush!' _The former Hellion known as Tarot hissed. 'Don't make Exodus angry.'

'Aww, you're too jittery, kid.' Scalphunter rolled his eyes. 'Relax. What's the worst he could do to us?'

Tarot just looked at the Native-American mercenary with a glare.

'Right, Omega-level telekinetic.' Scalphunter remembered. 'Shutting up.'

* * *

**Skin-**

The X-Men had split up to search through the powers station. Skin was assigned to search through the power station's lower levels. The Latino mutant would have preferred to be paired with Jubilee, as having somebody with her amount of firepower on your side would have been handy. But Skin had to contend with his own stretchy skin powers.

Skin pressed himself against the wall and slowly crept along the side.

'This is Skin, what's the what so far?' The Latino mutant whispered in to his comlink.

'Avalanche is near to your position.' Sage reported. 'Be wary. One falsely placed seismic tremor, and the whole power station could fall down around us.'

'Don't worry, chica...' Skin chuckled to himself. 'If a powerless Wolfsbane can kick this hombre's ass, I should think that I could as well.'

'Keep us posted on your progress. Sage out...'

Skin shut off his comlink and went about hunting down his quarry.

The Latino mutant didn't have very long to wait as he heard somebody approaching. Skin ducked into a nearby alcove and waited for his prey to walk past.

Avalanche walked past Skin's hiding place without even realising the trap he had just blundered in to. Then, as quick as a flash, Skin whipped out his fingers and grabbed hold of Avalanche, pulling him in to the all-concealing shadows.

'Heh. I knew you wouldn't be any trouble, esse.' Skin snorted as he knocked Avalanche out with one punch. 'You Brotherhood hombres must have glass jaws or something.'

* * *

**Husk and Archangel-**

Elsewhere in the power station, Husk and Archangel were on the prowl for Stacy-X. Both mutants had history with the snake-skinned former prostitute. Warren had been the reluctant target of the woman's unwanted advances while Paige regarded her as a potential love rival and was eager to kick the woman's butt.

The fact that they had been paired together caused much amusement from Jubilee. Having grown tired of the pair's hat fetish, Jubilee now ribbed them about the fact that they always seemed to get paired up together whenever the team split up, just like Daphne and Fred in Scooby Doo.

'God, I can't wait to get my hands on that... skank!' Paige wrung her hands with a hiss. 'She is _so _gonna get hers!'

'Paige, honey...' Warren put a comforting hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. 'As much as I'd like to see Stacy gets hers, we can't go off half-cocked.'

'I'm not saying that I just intend to barge in there all guns blazing...' Paige repsonded. 'Okay, perhaps I am saying that...'

'Well, well, well, lookie what we got here...'

Paige and Warren both turned as one to see Stacy-X holding herself up on the ceiling above their heads.

'Stacy, we don't want to hurt you...' Warren said calmly.

'Speak for yourself, War.' Paige sneered. 'Her ass is mine!'

'Bring it, Baywatch!' Stacy sneered as she leapt down to the ground.

'Oh, it's already brung!' Paige growled as she Husked herself in to a stone form.

Stacy tried to take down the young X-Woman with a roundhouse kick, but ended up hurting herself more than her target.

'Sucks, don't it?' Paige snickered as she punched Stacy straight on the chin, slamming her against the wall.

'Paige, sweetie...' Warren winced.

'Not now, dear...' Paige replied as she began to wail on the former prostitute.

Warren was powerless to stop his girlfriend. Heck, everybody knew that Paige Guthrie had a temper and Warren would rather not be victim to it.

'Oh, that isn't right.' Warren hissed as he heard something snap.

* * *

**Storm-**

Meanwhile, Storm was looking for Blob. It was her task as team leader to take down the immense mutant. Well, that and the fact that everybody had first dibs on the other Brotherhood members.

Storm turned a corner and quickly dashed back as she saw her opponent trying to wrestle a free candy bar from a vending machine.

'Stupid machine!' Blob hissed as he hefted it up. 'I'll smash you good!'

Storm took this as her moment of attack and zapped the vending machine with a lightning bolt. Blob dropped the machine with a yell.

'Crud! X-Men!' The giant mutant hissed. 'I'll crush you!'

'I do not think so...' Storm sighed as she sent a mini tornado his way.

'Haw! You can't stop me!' Blob snorted. 'Nothing can make me move if I don't wanna!'

'Who said that I was trying to move you?' Storm responded with a cheeky smirk.

'What the...' Blob looked up as he heard a creak, only to get a face full of loose pipes.

Storm used the distraction to her advantage as she zapped Blob in the chest with another lightning bolt.

'I still ain't beaten...' Blob sneered as he got up to his feet. 'Gimme ya best shot!'

'I think I shall.' Storm grinned as she blasted the ground beneath Blob's feet with a lightning bolt.

The colossal mutant yelled in surprise as the ground beneath his feet began to collapse.

'Going down!' Storm quipped as Blob fell several floors down. 'Goddess! I have been around Jubilation for too long...'

* * *

**Wolverine-**

Wolverine stopped in his tracks and sniffed the air. His prey was near...

'Give yerself up now, Greycrow...' Wolverine growled. 'Or d'ya wanna end up minus a few appendages?'

'Perhaps I could ask you the same thing, Wolverine...' Scalphunter responded as he stepped out of the shadows and pointed a gun at the back of Wolverine's head. 'These walls could do with decorating, don't you think? I kinda like the colour of brains, myself...'

Wolverine lashed out with his claws and promptly sliced off the barrel of Scalphunter's gun.

'Now, that wasn't very sporting, was it?' Scalphunter tutted. 'I liked that gun.'

'Cry me a river, punk.' Wolverine growled. 'Let's dance!'

'I'm sorry, my dance card is full at the moment.' Scalphunter quipped as he stabbed Wolverine with the chest with a nasty-looking knife.

'Ya call _that _a knife...?' Wolverine growled. _'These _are what I call knives!'

Wolverine promptly stabbed Scalphunter in the chest with both sets of claws.

'Aww, crap...' Scalphunter croaked with his last breath.

Wolverine let Scalphunter's dead body fall to the ground, only for a Death-like figure take a swipe at him with a scythe.

'The hell...?'

'I would not expect a peasant like you to understand...' A French-accented voice snorted in derision.

'Tarot...' Wolverine surmised. 'I never thought you'd fall in with these losers. I figured you Hellion types had more class.'

'Times have changed, X-Man.' Tarot retorted. 'Now, prepare to die.'

'I do not think so...' Another female voice retorted.

There was the sound of a short scuffle and a body falling to the floor.

'Thanks fer the save, Sage.' Wolverine smirked as the Grim Reaper began to melt away. 'No Bishop?'

'He is otherwise engaged with Wild Child.' Sage explained. 'He should not be very long.'

'I'm glad that you have faith in me, Sage.' Bishop smiled as he walked up and dumped the unconscious form of Wild Child on top of Tarot.

'Welcome back, Lucas..' Sage smiled in return. 'Have fun?'

'Always.' Bishop winked.

'Enough with the flirting, already.' Wolverine rolled his eyes. 'We have to find Jubilee.'

'Do you really think it was wise to let her go after Exodus on her own?' Bishop asked.

'Have some faith in the girl, Lucas.' Sage tutted. 'Jubilation Lee is a more formidable warrior than anybody gives her credit for.'

* * *

**Jubilee-**

Jubilee had taken it upon herself to take on the Brotherhood's leader. Wolverine didn't like the idea at all. he felt that Jubilee was still unused to her new powers, and needed to get used to them more. But Jubilee was quite adamant about it, and Wolverine reluctantly agreed to let Jubilee do her thing. Besides, she was a big girl now and, she could fight her own battles.

'I'll show everybody...' Jubilee muttered to herself as she slowly crept towards the control room where exodus had sequestered himself. 'I'll finally show eveybody that I'm not just a glorified firework show...'

'Ah, mutant angst...' Exodus chuckled, not even turning around from the video screen where he had been monitoring the X-Men's progress. 'If the X-Men had a theme, surely that must be the one.'

'Yeah, you just laugh it up, bub.' Jubilee growled as her hands began to glow with energy. 'Keep on jokin' and I'll soon blast that damn smile off ya face!'

'Oh, such childlike arrogance.' Exodus shook his head. 'It's a pity that I have to destroy you. Ms Lee. You would have made a worthy addition to my Brotherhood.'

'Sorry, I don't work for wannabe Messiahs.' Jubilee shook her head. 'And dude, seriously, get a new gimmick. You're so gay for Magneto!'

Exodus spun around to glare at the young mutant giving him lip.

'You _dare_ insult me?' Exodus hissed.

'Oh yeah, you bet your ass I do!' Jubilee retorted as she threw an energy blast at the wannabe Messiah. Unfortunately, Exodus easily blocked it with his telekinesis.

'Well, that sucks...' Jubilee sniffed before she blasted Exodus with another barrage of energy blasts.

Once again, Exodus easily blocked them with his telekinesis.

'You are boring me, child.' Exodus sighed. 'Give up while you still can.'

'I'm an X-Man, bub. We never give up!' Jubilee retorted, continuing to lob energy blasts at her opponent. 'Y'know, I can keep this up fer ages, how about you?'

'I'm am not even beginning to feel tired.' Exodus responded.

'Glad to hear it...' Jubilee grinned evilly as her eyes began to glow with unreleased energy...

* * *

**Outside-**

The rest of the X-Men had gathered outside the power station with the captured Brotherhood. Wolverine was pacing about nervously. He was worried about Jubilee.

'C'mon 'Ro, you have to let me go back in there!' Wolverine growled concernedly. 'Jubilee's in there fightin' fer her life!'

'You must trust Jubilee, my friend.' Storm comforted the feral Canadian. 'Jubilee is no longer a child. She can fight her own battles.'

'Besides, this Exodus guy is no Magneto.' Warren added. 'So I doubt Jubilee will be having any trouble beating him.'

'Jubilee is one tough, chica.' Angelo nodded. 'She can handle herself.'

'I just hope yer right.' Wolverine sighed. 'I won't be able to live with myself if somethin' bad happens to her...'

The assembled X-Men all jumped as one as something blasted through the wall of the power station and plummeted to the ground. It was a human body! Wolverine was the first one there to make sure that it wasn't Jubilee.

'Jubilee, NO!' Wolverine yelled as he skidded to a halt in the snow. 'C'mon kid, talk to me...'

'Jeepers, thanks for the faith, dude.' A voice snorted up above their heads.

The X-Men all turned as one as Jubilee somersaulted through the newly created hole.

'Jubilee. But...' Wolverine blinked.

Jubilee put her hands on her hips with a cocky grin.

'Exodus thought he was all that, but he wasn't!' The Asian mutant crowed.

'Heh-heh. Exodus go boom.' Angelo chuckled.

Sage prodded the unconscious and smoking form of Exodus with her foot.

'Yes, he was not the Messiah, he was a very naughty boy.'

The X-Men all looked at the living computer with dumbstruck expressions.

Sage rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh.

'You people have no sense of humour...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: The Return of Cannonball**

_Growing bored of working with Cable and X-Force, Sam Guthrie returns to the X-Men. Meanwhile, Jubilee and Skin go on a mission to help the Paris branch of X-Force. Who would win in a fight, the New-And-Improved Jubilee or Little Miss Perfect Priss: Monet St Croix? Tune in next time to find out..._


	8. The Return of Cannonball

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 8: The Return of Cannonball**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Xavier's-**

A lone taxi cab pulled up outside the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. A blond figure stepped out and looked up at the Institute's gates.

'Well, it's good to be home…' The former New Mutant known as Cannonball sighed. 'I just hope that they've got room for me…'

Sam paid the driver and picked up his cases before pressing the intercom on the gates.

'Greetings, Samuel Guthrie…' A feminine voice welcomed as soon as Sam pressed the intercom button. 'The return of the prodigal Cannonball.'

'Hello, Sage…' Sam smiled, waving at the security camera pointing at him. 'Ain't you got nothin' better to do than snoop?'

'You know me, Samuel…' Sage chuckled. 'I am a regular voyeur.'

Sam just shook his head with a gentle laugh as the gates swung open automatically.

'Things sure have changed since ah was a New Mutant…' Sam thought out loud. 'People ah once knew have got married an' had kids. Former enemies have joined up, an' friends have gone evil. But ah guess that's our lot really. Nuthin' is ever simple for the X-Men…'

Sam carried his cases up to the front door and was about to knock when the door swung open and he was knocked down by a red blur.

'Sammy-Sammy-Sammy! It's-_sooo_-grand-tae-see-ye!' Rahne blurted happily as she gave her former crush a huge hug. 'What're-ye-doin'-here? Did-ye-get-fed-up-o'-bein'-one-o'-Cable's-Four-Apostles?'

Sam's brain tried to decipher the redhead's rapid babble.

'Umm… How about we start off by sayin' hello?' Sam blinked.

'Hello is good.' Rahne smiled as she regained her composure and shifted back into her human form. 'D'ye need a hand with yuir cases?'

'Ya know that ah can't have ya carry mah cases.' Sam replied. 'What kind of gentleman would ah be if ah made yah carry mah cases?'

'The same auld Sammy.' Rahne chuckled as she led Sam into the Institute.

Unfortunately for the Kentucky-born mutant, he was knocked off his feet once again.

'Sammy-Sammy-Sammy! What're-you-doing-here? Fed-up-of-being-one-of-Cable's-Four-Apostles?'

'Hello, 'Lock…' Sam winced at the techno-organic alien's deceptively strong grip. 'Yah glad to see me, ah see.'

'Of course I am, buddy!' Warlock beamed. 'With you here, we almost have the entire classic New Mutants team!'

'Oh, talkin' about that…' Sam remembered. 'Berto an' Tabby are on their way.'

'Oh, Tabitha's comin'…' Rahne rolled her eyes. 'Whoop-de-doo.'

'No issues with mah ex then, eh Furtop?' Sam chuckled.

'Of course not…' Rahne replied, a fake smile plastered on her face. 'Why would **_I_** have issues wi' her?'

'I think we'd better head on inside…' Warlock interjected, rapidly changing the subject. 'There are other people that want to met you…'

* * *

**X-Corp. Paris, meanwhile-**

Monet St Croix and Rictor stood back as one of the X-Men's Blackbird jets came in for landing in the headquarters of the Paris branch of X-Corp. The French branch of X-Corp. was in desperate need of a computer upgrade and the X-men had sent over some people to help.

Monet and Rictor both waited patiently to see who their guests were. Monet was hoping that it was somebody who was intelligent, and would get the new computers upgraded as soon as possible. Rictor was just hoping that whoever the guests were, they were hot.

Monet and Rictor stepped up to welcome their guests as the X-Jet's door opened up.

The polite smile on Monet's face soon faded as she saw who one of the guests was.

'Mon dieu, _anything_ but you…' Monet groaned into her hands. 'This has to be some kind of sick joke…'

'An' I love you too, St Croix.' Jubilee retorted. 'Now, where do you want all this computer junk? We're on a tight schedule.'

'Oh, I can imagine…' Monet snorted in derision. 'Putting on more little firework shows for the children? You lead an incredibly busy life, Lee.'

'Oh, my sides're splittin'…' Jubilee bit back. 'An' how do you spend your day? Alphabetising Spaghetti Hoops?'

Angelo just held his face in his hands. Why did he volunteer for this mission when he absolutely knew that Jubilee would start on Monet as soon as they stepped off the X-Jet?

'Are they _always_ like this?' Rictor blinked as he stepped up next to Angelo.

'You have no idea, _esse._' Angelo winced. 'I don't suppose you have any beer nearby, do you? Alcohol eases the pain.'

'Follow me.' Rictor beckoned. 'I always keep a six-pack ready just in case.'

'You are my new god…' Angelo smiled thankfully. 'We will need the beer, cuz believe me, this is gonna be one _long_ mission…'

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Sam was sitting on the other side of Professor Xavier's desk while he was being given the customary welcome back speech. Even though Sam as happy to be back, he couldn't help but feel freaked out about how close Xavier was with Callisto. The former Morlock leader could hardly keep her tentacles off him…

'Well Samuel…' Xavier smiled. 'I believe that all there is left for me to do is welcome you back.'

'Ah'm honoured that ya let me come back.' Sam replied.

'What the matter, Guthrie?' Callisto smirked. 'You get fed up with being one of Cable's Four Apostles?'

'What is it with everybody an' Cable?' Sam sighed tiredly. 'It ain't as if he set himself up as some kinda messiah, or somethin'…'

'Oh but it is, Sammy…' Callisto pointed out, shaking her head. 'I knew you were naïve, but _geez!_ How could you not see it?'

'Callisto, I think that is enough…' Xavier interrupted. 'Sam is not here for us to ask him his reasons for joining Cable in the first place.'

'Thank you, sir.' Sam nodded. 'Now, if that's all ya need me for, I've got a guided tour in a coupla minutes.'

A small smiled spread across Xavier's face as he remembered who volunteered to give Sam the guided tour.

'Yes, I think you will be most surprised who your tour guide is.'

Sam narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

'Who do ah get the feeling that ah'm gonna regret this?'

As if in answer to Sam's question, the door to Xavier's office burst open.

'Boom, baby!' Wade Wilson crowed as he stood in the doorway. 'Welcome to Wade Wilson Guided Tours! Please keep your arms and other appendages inside the vehicle at all times.'

'You _can't_ be serious!' Sam spluttered in disbelief. '_Deadpool? _Deadpool is gonna be mah tour guide?'

'Aww, don't be so negative, Cannonballs.' Wade smirked. 'I'm a good boy nowadays. Well, that's unless Betsy wants me to be naughty…'

Sam's shoulders slumped in frustration.

'Ah hate mah life…'

* * *

**X-Corp. Paris-**

Monet and Jubilee were now in the main control room of the X-Corp building. The new computers were supposed to be set up around now, but Jubilee's incessant chatter kept on distracting Monet. Especially the fact that Jubilee was boasting about her new powers.

'And then I said, _'You ain't all that' _and blew the sucker through the wall!' Jubilee boasted. 'Ain't that cool? I took out exodus! Yay me! Monet? Hey M! Ain't ya listening?'

Monet just muttered something in French and continued to tinker with the computer that she was working on.

'I no speaky the Frenchy, but I know you just insulted me!' Jubilee narrowed her eyes, pointing an accusatory finger. 'C'mon St Croix, 'fess up!'

'Jubilee, this operation would go a lot quicker if you were not here to distract me.' Monet sighed.

'And it would go along a lot quicker if you were actually doing it right!' Jubilee scoffed.

'What do you mean?' Monet frowned. 'I am doing everything perfectly!'

'Oh, you are _sooo_ wrong!' Jubilee snorted. 'If all the time I've spent listening to Kitty Pryde blathering on about computers has taught me anything, it's taught me to know when you've got everything wired up wrong. Geez. It's a surprise that this crap works at all! It's just so wrong!'

Monet shot Jubilee a frown.

'Do you take pleasure from pointing out the faults of others?'

'Why?' Jubilee cracked. 'Do you take pleasure out of being a stone-cold bitch? I mean, Emma used to be the X-Men's queen bitch, but she has _nothing_ on you!'

'I just prefer to keep the company of others that I can have intelligent conversation with.' Monet sniffed.

'Oh, is that how it is?' Jubilee narrowed her eyes in anger. 'The rest of us aren't worthy of your presence? Y'know, you make me wanna puke, St Croix! I mean, back when you were stuck as Penance, I always gave you apples and tried to be your friend. But what happened? Why did you change?'

'We have been all though this before.' Monet shook her head. 'I do not intend to repeat myself.'

'Fine, whatever.' Jubilee shrugged. 'But why don't you call Penance anymore? She's your sister. Well, kinda… She misses you, you know.'

'I have been busy.' Monet sniffed.

'Busy my ass!' Jubilee retorted. 'It doesn't take long just to make one single telephone call. It's not as if I'm asking for blood.'

'Will you be quiet and leave me alone if I call Penance?' Monet sighed.

'No promises.' Jubilee replied. 'But it might help.'

'You really take pleasure out of making my life a misery, don't you?' Monet groaned.

Jubilee just grinned mischievously.

'Yeah. Ain't it cool?'

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Back at the Xavier Institute, Sam was still the victim of Wade's guided tour.

'There's one thing that's bothering me, Cannonballs…' Wade said.

'Cannonball.' Sam corrected.

'Whatever.' Wade shrugged. 'Why did you give up working with X-Force? Did'ja get fed up of being one of his Four Apostles?'

'Oh, shut up…' Sam groaned. 'That isn't even funny any more…'

'Geez, ask a simple question.' Wade sniffed. 'Now I don't wanna show you around any more. Good day to you , sir…'

Sam tried to stop Wade from leaving.

'Wade, wait. Ah didn't mean…'

Wade just tilted his nose in the air and marched off.

'I said, _good day to you, sir!'_

Sam just shook his head in exasperation.

'It's gonna be a long coupla months…' Sam groaned.

'What's the matter, don't you like it here?' A voice piped up.

'Paige!' Sam beamed at the sight of his younger sister. 'How're you doin', girl?'

'I'm fine, thanks.' Paige gave her older brother a big hug. 'I'm part of the big boys now. I'm in Ororo's team.'

'Yeah, ah heard.' Sam nodded. 'Ah also heard somethin' else…'

Paige suddenly grabbed Sam by the collar and got right in his face.

'How told you?' She hissed. 'I bet it was Jubilee! I'll kill her! I'll tear her limb from limb!'

Sam just blinked in confusion.

'Umm… I just wanted to talk to you about all the pregnancies goin' around. There seems to be somebody pregnant on every team. You and Warren aren't…'

Paige's face flushed bright pink.

'Omigosh!' Paige gasped in shock. 'How could you **say** such a thing! Warren and I… I mean… We're not…'

'Just askin' Paige, geez.' Sam winced. 'No need to go off the handle. So you're not…'

Paige looked her brother right in the eye with an angry glare.

'Samuel Zachary Guthrie… Just because you're my older brother, it doesn't mean that I won't kick your butt!'

Sam just groaned inwardly. What had he let himself in to now?

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Deathbird's Revenge**

_The Days of Hellfire continue as Deathbird kidnaps Bishop. Will the other X-Men be able to save their friend? Tune in next time to find out…_


	9. Deathbird's Revenge: Part 1

**The Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 9: Deathbird's Revenge- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Mutant Town-**

Mutant Town, New York. Never had their been a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. **(1) **For the uneducated, Mutant Town was a district of New York that was mostly populated by mutants. Sure, there were flat-scans living there, but it would be so unlikely to find one, that you would have more luck finding a Summers Brother that _didn't_ have a stick up his butt.

Mutant Town had its own police force. While the Mutant Town police force was small, it didn't mean that the officers weren't loyal.

One such officer was Lucas Bishop. Yes, the X-Man Bishop. When he wasn't doing his thing with the X-Men, Bishop could often be found patrolling the streets of Mutant Town.

Today Bishop had a bit of action for himself. An anonymous tip had come through telling the cops of an alleged drugs lab somewhere in the district. Bishop had gathered up a few of his fellow officers and headed down to the location of the alleged drugs lab.

Bishop led his fellow officers into the drugs lab, being extra careful in case they had just walked in to a trap. Everything seemed to be fine. Apart from the lack of any actual people working in the lab. Not even a drug-addled prostitute looking for a quick fix. That suited the cops just fine. It saved them the fuss of getting involved in a messy shoot out.

'Hey Bishop, come over here...' One of the officers called from across the lab. 'What do you make of this?'

Bishop walked over to where the officer was knelt.

'What've you got?' Bishop asked as he knelt down beside the officer.

'Does this mean anything to you?' The officer blinked as he held up a hi-tech-looking device. 'Cuz I haven't seen anything like this before.'

Bishop's eyes widened in surprise. The device was a Shi'Ar incendiary mine, and if the blinking lights on the side of the device were any indication, the officer had just activated it!

Bishop dove for cover as the mine exploded in a giant fireball, incinerating the poor officer holding it.

Bishop blearily looked upwards to see a winged figure walk through the inferno before he passed out.

* * *

**The Xavier Institute, A few minutes earlier-**

It was midnight and most of the staff and students at the Xavier Institute were asleep. One of the exceptions was Sage. The living computer was in her usual place in the monitor room. It was time for one last security inspection, then Sage would be trotting up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire. She was already wearing her fuzzy bunny slippers.

_Surveillance- Main Gate, Xavier Institute- 1407 Graymalkin Lane- Subject: Peter Wisdom. Subject: Amara Aquilla, code-named Magma._

Sage watched as Pete and Amara stepped out of a cab that had just pulled up outside. Well, Amara stepped out, Pete kind of... stumbled.

Once Sage was satisfied that nothing untoward was going on outside, she switched to a different security camera.

_Surveillance- Camera 6- Subject: Emma Frost. Subject: Henry McCoy, code-named Beast. Subject: Christian McCoy._

Sage watched as Emma and Hank carried their baby son up the stairs to bed.

_Subjects: Phoebe, Fiona, and Eve Stepford, code-named Stepford Cuckoos._

The three identical blonde telepaths waved goodnight to baby Christian. Emma raised her baby son's little pudgy hand as if he were waving back. Hank kissed Emma on the cheek and headed on to their room.

_Surveillance- Camera 14- Subject: Kevin Sidney, code-named Morph. Subject: Clarice Ferguson, code-named Blink._

Sage smiled slightly as she saw Morph look around nervously as he slowly stepped out of Clarice's room. Somebody had been up to adult situations...

Clarice gave Morph a quick kiss and a hug before heading back into her room. Morph grinned goofily before skipping down the corridor to the boys' dormitories.

_Surveillance- Camera 21- Subject: Cain Marko, code-named Juggernaut. Subject: Jeanne-Marie Beaubier, code-named Aurora._

Cain and Jeanne-Marie sauntered down the corridor arm-in-arm. Sage frowned slightly when the pair stopped in their tracks. Jeanne-Marie turned around and looked straight at the camera. She then blew a kiss and proceeded on her way.

Sage shook her head with a chuckle. That was enough for today. It was time for bed.

Sage hopped out of her chair and stretched her arms with a groan.

'Mmmm. Perhaps I should say goodnight to Lucas first...' Sage thought out loud. 'That's unusual... I didn't see him come in. Oh yes. That's right, he is still on patrol.'

No sooner had Sage said that, then she saw something in the corner of her eye. It was an emergency link-up to the Mutant Town Police Department. The very same Mutant Town where Bishop was on patrol.

Sage put her hand to her mouth with a shocked gasp.

'Oh God, Lucas...'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Somewhere, only god knows where, Bishop slowly regained consciousness.

'Oh God, What happened...'

Bishop blinked blearily. He was in a room that he didn't recognize. There weren't any windows, so he couldn't see outside to gather his surroundings.

Bishop tried to move, but found that his arms and legs were shackled to the wall.

'Uh-oh. This can't be good...'

Bishop then tried to free himself with an energy blast. But nothing happened. Somebody, or something, was dampening his powers.

'Oh, this is just lovely...' Bishop muttered to himself. 'Blown up, kidnapped, and strung up like a Thanksgiving turkey. My night couldn't get any worse...'

'Oh, I wouldn't say that, _Beloved..._'

Bishop let out a groan as he saw a figure walk out of the shadows.

'Deathbird...' Bishop groused. 'I knew it would only be a matter of time until you showed your ugly face!'

'You know, you once thought I was pretty.' The rogue Shi'Ar known as Deathbird tutted as she stroked Bishop's cheek with a taloned hand.

'Yeah well, a lot has changed since then.' Bishop sneered. 'Now. what do you say that you turn off this power dampener so we can talk about this like adults?'

'No, I don't think I will...' Deathbird shook her head as she toyed with an ornate, but nasty-looking, knife in her hands. 'i thought I might have a little fun first...'

An evil, seductive grin spread across Deathbird's face as she slashed Bishop's chest with her knife. She then wiped some of the blood up with a finger and licked it off.

'You always did taste delicious, _Beloved..._'

* * *

**Back at Xavier's-**

Sage had gathered the rest of the team in the War Room. Well, those of the team that weren't off gallivanting in Canada **(2). **Presently she was joined by Paige, Warren, Angelo and Sam. Tabitha and Roberto had kindly offered their help, seeing that the team was down a few members.

'So what's the what, Sage?' Tabitha yawned as she struggled to get her hair right. 'Some of us were sleeping, y'know.'

'Yes... We were... sleepin'...' Sam added, his eyes darting around nervously.

'Give it up, _esse._' Angelo rolled his eyes. 'We all know that you and Tabby are back together. The walls are so thin in this place that we can hear you as well!'

'Hey, don't look at me!' Tabby held her hands up in defence. 'Sammy's the screamer.'

Sage looked around at the ramshackle team that she had assembled.

'If I may pull you away form your _fascinating_ discussion regarding Sam's sex life?' Sage sighed. 'We have a situation here...'

'It had damn well better be a good situation to get me out of bed...' Paige muttered to herself. 'I was having the greatest dream. It involved Captain America, Spider-Man, and a giant vat of strawberry ice-cream.'

'My dreams usually involve Susan Richards, Squirrel Girl **(3)**, and whipped cream.' Roberto added with a grin.

'Squirrel Girl?' Tabitha blinked. 'I can see the fascination with Susan Richards, but _Squirrel Girl? _What's up with that?'

'Pretty simple, really...' Roberto began. 'Squirrel Girl is a badass. Who else can say that they have defeated Dr Doom, Thanos, and the Mandarin single-handedly?' **(4)**

Tabitha gave an impressed nod.

'I see your point. Damn. Now _I _want to sleep with Squirrel Girl!'

'Yes, we all want to sleep with Squirrel Girl.' Sage sighed. 'Now, can we _please _get back to the task at hand? Bishop is in trouble and we must rescue him!'

Tabitha looked back at the living computer with big puppy-dog eyes and a quivering lip.

'But... _Squirrel Girl..._'

Sage rubbed the bridge of her nose. This was going to be a long mission...

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Deathbird's Revenge- Part 2**

_Will Sage and the others be able to rescue Bishop in time? Will Tabitha ever get to sleep with Squirrel Girl? What is this weird fascination with Squirrel Girl that I have contracted all of a sudden? Squirrel Girl! Squirrel Girl! Squirrel Girl! Whoooo!_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Wow. The first line of the chapter and I've already made a Star Wars reference. Heh._

**(2)- **_Ororo, Logan, and Jubilee are the ones gallivanting around in Canada. As seen in _'Uncanny Wolverine._'_

**(3)- **_I was going to say the Scarlet Witch, but, meh, Squirrel Girl sounded better._

**(4)- **_All true. Squirrel Girl did indeed defeat Dr Doom, Thanos, and the Mandarin single-handedly. Okay, perhaps not totally single-handedly. She did have some able assistance from her squirrel friends. But that doesn't mean that she's any less of a badass._


	10. Deathbird's Revenge: Part 2

**The Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 10: Deathbird's Revenge- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_Chamber once beat Omega Red single-handedly._

* * *

**The X-Jet-**

High up in the skies above New York, one of the X-Men's several personalised stealth jets was flying to a mission. Sage was taking a small contingent of X-Men to rescue Bishop. Sage didn't as of yet know where her fellow X-Man was being held, but she had several ideas where he may have been held. Out of Bishop's own personal villains, only the rogue Shi'Ar known as Deathbird was at large. Most of Bishop's rogues were either dead, or back in his own time.

'So, about this crazy Shi'Ar chick?' Tabitha piped up. 'What's her beef with Bishop?'

'Deathbird and Bishop used to be... involved.' Sage answered, not even looking back from her position in the pilot's seat.

'Oh, right.' Tabitha nodded in understanding. 'Jilted lover. Gotcha.'

'Not only that, Tabbs...' Angelo piped up. 'Deathbird even gave birth to a kid.'

'And Bishop was the dad?' Tabitha deduced.

'Oh yeah.' Angelo confirmed with a nod. 'Although, you have to think about it all. I mean, the last time we met, the chica looked like she was in her early twenties, or something.'

'How can she even _be_ that old?' Roberto frowned in thought. 'Bishop hasn't even _been_ with the X-Men long enough for his kid to be that old.'

'I guess it's got something to do with time travel.' Angelo shrugged. 'But I ain't Reed Richards, so the whole thing pretty much gives me a headache.'

'Watching SpongeBob gives you a headache, Ange.' Paige pointed out.

'The colours, man.' Angelo shivered. 'So many colours...'

'Can we please keep our minds on the task at hand?' Sage groaned. 'One of our own has been captured and may be already dead.'

'Jeepers, Sage. I never knew you were such a pessimist.' Tabitha rolled her eyes. 'Scary-Lady-With-Computer-For-A-Brain maybe.'

'Tabitha, don't antagonise the scary computer lady.' Sam hissed at his girlfriend.

'Aww, you're no fun.' Tabitha sulked.

'You know, something has just struck me...' Warren realized something. 'Technically, I am the oldest one here.'

'Hanging out with the kiddies.' Tabitha joked with a snicker. 'Mmm, skanky. Well, as if dating Paige wasn't skanky enough.'

'Thank you very much, Tabitha.' Warren sighed. 'I'll file your opinions away with the rest of the stuff I don't give a crap about.'

Tabitha held up her hands, as if she was holding an invisible handbag.

'Ooooh.' She taunted. '_Somebody_ got up on the wrong side of the Hayseed.'

'Do you have an off button, or something?' Paige glared at the other blonde.

'Why, you got a problem?' Tabitha narrowed her eyes at Paige.

'Children, please. No catfights in the X-Jet.' Angelo pointed out. 'Well, at least until I manage to get a camera set up.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Back in the warehouse where Deathbird was torturing Bishop, the rogue Shi'Ar was taking a breather from her busy schedule of more torture.

'I don't know why you're even bothering to torture me...' A battered and bloodied Bishop commented. 'It's not as if I'm going to tell you anything.'

Deathbird picked up a knife from her collection of nasty, pointy things and turned it over in her hands.

'Oh, my dear, dear Lucas. Whoever said that I wanted to torture you for information?'

'...You're insane.' Bishop sneered through bloodied lips.

'And there will not be enough left of you to spread upon toast once I am finished.' Deathbird countered. 'Now, where do you want it next?'

'How about sticking it up your...'

Deathbird dealt Bishop a nasty slap to the face, quickly shutting him up.

'Here I am being polite, and you go and say something like that.' Deathbird tutted with faux sweetness, gently stroking the flat side of her knife against Bishop's cheek. 'You know, you once found me attractive.'

'You got real ugly, _real_ quick.'

Deathbird spun around at the sound of the voice.

'Hey, Bishop.' Tabitha waved as she stood there with the rest of the X-Men amongst the unconscious Hellfire guards. 'We're not too late, are we?'

'Shards!' Deathbird hissed angrily. 'Must you accursed mutants dog my every move?'

'We could say the same thign about the Shi'Ar, ma'am.' Sam countered. 'Y'all are always messin' with us. What have y'all got against the Summers family anyway?'

'Take it up with my sister, human.' Deathbird sneered. 'I care not for the names of those I kill.'

'You shall pay for this, Deathbird.' Warren pointed an accusatory finger at the Shi'Ar woman. 'Now, let Bishop go, or we'll have to get serious.'

'Oh, there's no rush, Warren.' Sage replied, keeping her eyes on Deathbird. 'I would rather like it if Deathbird resisted our orders. She and I have unfinished business.'

'So be it.' Deathbird nodded. 'Then let us duel to the death. If I win, you leave me in peace t torture your teammate as I see fit.'

'And if I win...' Sage replied. 'We take Bishop back with us. Without any hindrance from the Hellfire Club.'

'Sage...' Bishop coughed weakly. 'Don't. You don't know...'

'Oh, let your precious little mate try to beat me, Lucas.' Deathbird grinned evilly. 'It has been such a long time since I have had the pleasure of beating somebody in ritual combat.'

* * *

**Xavier's, a few hours earlier-**

Jubilee was acting as a tour guide to one of the Institute's newest guests. Jonothon Starsmore, aka the former X-Man Chamber, had just arrived back from a leave of absence. Okay, Jono did know his way around the Institute already, but that didn't stop Jubilee from attempting to pry the latest titbits of gossip from the British mutant. Like why he happened to have a face now, and not the great big furnace of energy that usually belched out from his chest.

'So, Jono... What's up with the face?'

'Not exactly used to bein' tactful, are ya Lee?' Jono sighed.

'Just askin' a question, is all.' Jubilee shrugged. 'Sue me. So... the face?'

'Met a bloke called Windsor in London.' Jono answered. 'he pretty much put me back together. Somethin' about harnessin' me bio-kinetic energy to keep me new face in place.'

'But what about all of that unreleased energy?' Jubilee blinked. 'Wouldn't you kinda, y'know... explode?'

Jono pulled open his shirt to see a glowing hole where his heart should have been.

'That's why I've got this hole in me chest.' Jono explained. 'It might not be all that nice to look at, but at least I got me looks back.'

'Plus, you can eat.' Jubilee added. 'Amongst other things, of course.'

Jono shook his head at his friend's cheeky grin.

'You are shameless, you know that?'

Unseen by the pair, they were being watched. The girl known only as Penance, or Penny as her friends called her, watched from the stairs as Jono and Jubilee walked underneath her.

'Is that... No-Face?' Penny whispered to herself. No-Face was her old nickname for Jono back in the old days. 'He looks so... Wow. I never knew he was so cute!'

Penny rested her chin on the top of the banister and smiled dreamily.

'I wonder if he'd find me attractive?'

Penny then smiled mischievously to herself.

'I guess there's only one way to find out. I have to go and talk to him...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Deathbird's Revenge- Part 3**

_Sage and Deathbird fight to the death. Who will win, and who will lose? Also: Will Penny ever get the courage to talk to Jono? And wasn't he dating Moonstar a while back? What happened to them? Tune in next time to find out..._


	11. Deathbird's Revenge: Part 3

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 11: Deathbird's Revenge- Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Somewhere in New York-**

In an abandoned warehouse somewhere in New York, the X-Woman called Sage was squaring off against the rogue Shi'Ar known as Deathbird. Sage and a small team of X-Men had combed almost all of New York in search of the missing Bishop. They soon found the missing X-Man in this abandoned warehouse being tortured by Deathbird. Having made easy work of the Hellfire guards, Sage struck a deal with Deathbird. They were to duel to the death. The winner took Bishop as their prize.

The rest of the X-Men were waiting anxiously while being watched by those Hellfire guards that hadn't been beaten to a pulp.

'I don't see why we can't just kick these losers' asses and get out of here.' Tabitha muttered impatiently. 'Here I am, having just hooked up with the X-Men, and I barely get to see any action.'

'But you got to beat up some Hellfire guards.' Roberto pointed out.

'They don't count.' Tabitha shot back. 'The Hellfire guards are too easy. They're little more than cannon fodder. They're the Red Shirts of the Hellfire Club!'

'Tabitha, shush!' Sam hissed at his girlfriend. 'They can hear ya, y'know.'

'Like I care.' Tabitha snorted as she looked over at the group of Hellfire guards. 'What're _you _lookin' at, bub? You wanna try your luck with a _real _X-Man?'

'And you _choose _to date this girl?' Angelo snickered at Sam. 'Rather you than me, _esse._'

Nearby, Sage and Deathbird were circling around each other, both women sizing up their opponent.

'You have no hope of beating me, human.' Deathbird boasted as she flexed her claw-like fingers in preparation. 'Many have tried to beat me in ritual combat, only to have their hearts plucked from their chests!'

'You have never faced anybody like me before, Deathbird.' Sage shot back.

Now, Sage was not one for idle boasts, she really was that damn good!

'You humans are all the same.' Deathbird sneered. 'Mutant or no, I will still beat you.'

'Then start fighting.' Sage retorted. 'You Shi'Ar are all the same, you talk to much.'

That was the final straw! Nobody, but _nobody_ compared Deathbird to her accursed sister, Lilandra!

The rogue Shi'Ar woman lashed out with her claw-like hands with a fierce yell. Sage easily dodged the attack and followed up with a nasty palm strike to Deathbird's chin.

An evil grin spread across Deathbird's face as she wiped a trickle of blood from her lips.

'First blood to you, it seems, yet you will not get another chance.'

Deathbird lashed out again with her deadly fingernails. Sage held up her arm to block, but Deathbird gouged nasty-looking wounds down Sage's arm.

'C'mon, we have to help Sage!' Sam exclaimed as he started to make a move. 'We can't let Deathbird kill her!'

'No!' Bishop quickly moved to hold the Kentucky native back. 'We can't interfere. Sage and Deathbird are engaged in ritual combat. Breaking up a Shi'Ar ritual battle is punishable by death!'

'Then let's take down the rest of these hellfire guards!' Paige punched her hand in eagerness.

'We can't move against Deathbird's allies either.' Bishop told her. 'That would mean the same thing. We would be executed on the spot!'

'Sonova...' Roberto growled angrily. 'These aliens sure do know how to take all the fun out of a fight.'

Back with Sage and Deathbird, the ritual was still carrying on with no obvious victor.

'Give up while you still can, X-Man.' Deathbird sneered as she flexed her fingers again. 'I have wounded you already. Give up while you still have a breath in your body.'

'I don't think so.' Sage scowled. 'As long as I am standing, you will not take Bishop.'

'Tch. Humans.' Deathbird shook her head in shame. 'You are such a stubborn breed. You refuse to admit defeat.'

'The X-Men never surrender, Deathbird.' Sage pointed out. 'Now, are we going to finish this fight, or stand here gossiping like old women?'

'Oh, eager to meet your maker, eh?' Deathbird smirked. 'Then allow me the pleasure of helping you with that matter...'

Deathbird reached behind her back and pulled out an ornate-looking dagger.

'This is supposed to be _unarmed _combat!' Sage hissed. 'You dare to break the rules of your own race?'

'Oh, don't act so surprised.' Deathbird tutted. 'Like I have ever proved myself to be trustworthy.'

'Now that you have broken the rules of ritual combat, you do realise what that means, don't you?' Sage asked.

'I do not care about the rules.' Deathbird snorted in derision. 'All I care about is your head on a pike!'

Over with the other X-Men, Bishop started to laugh.

'I think Bishop's wounds are starting to get to him.' Warren tutted in sympathy. 'I don't see anything funny about this situation.'

'Deathbird has just broken the sacred rules of Shi'Ar ritual combat.' Bishop explained. The time-lost energy absorber then smirked.'That means that all bets are off. It looks like you get to see some action after all, Tabitha.'

Tabitha cracked her knuckles in glee.

'Booyah!'

* * *

**Later-**

The X-Men had thoroughly beaten Deathbird and her Hellfire guards. After the villains were handed over to the proper authorities, they returned to the X-Mansion.

Bishop was in the infirmary. The energy-manipulating mutant's wounds weren't as severe as they looked, but Hank McCoy and Moira MacTaggart thought that it would be best if he stayed overnight in the infirmary just to make sure.

Sage was sitting beside Bishop's bed. The living computer had barely moved since they arrived back home.

'You should really get that scratch seen to, Sage.' Bishop suggested, indicating the arm wound that Sage had sustained during the fight with Deathbird. 'It was a nasty wound.'

'It's nothing that I haven't handled before.' Sage stated. 'Besides, I heal quickly.'

'Damn, you're stubborn.' Bishop tutted.

'Oh, like you're totally innocent.' Sage retorted. 'Even if you do look sexy with your chest bandaged up like that.'

Bishop blinked in surprise. Surely he didn't hear that right...

'I think my hearing must be playing up. You didn't say that you think I'm sexy, do you?'

'Would that be a problem?' Sage asked, her expression as stoic and unreadable as always.

'Not that I can see.' Bishop shrugged.

Then something unusual happened. Sage's usual icy manner seemed to thaw as her face turned nervous.

'Lucas... When I found out that you were missing... I was worried. Worried that I would never see you again. You have touched me like no man ever has. I know that I may not me the easiest person to get along with, but you have out up with all of my eccentricities. What I mean to say is... I love you, Lucas Bishop.'

Bishop took Sage's hand in his and gave it a comforting squeeze.

'I love you too, Sage.'

Sage smiled back at Bishop, her face moving closer to his. Their lips were mere millimetres apart when...

'Lucas, I am safely able to say that you are... oh my stars and garters!' Hank froze in his tracks as he saw Sage and Bishop so close together.

Then , as if anything couldn't get any more embarrassing...

'Sage, I've just put on a fresh pot o' coffee, d'ye want... Great William Wallace's Ghost!'

'It appears that our timing leaves a lot to be desired.' Hank stated.

'Aye, ye could say that.' Moira chuckled nervously. 'I take it that nobody wants coffee?'

'I think we had better depart, post haste...' Hank smiled nervously as he slowly began to back his way out of the infirmary.

'Aye.' Moira nodded. 'Let's do that.'

Once Hank and Moira had departed, Bishop and Sage both burst into fits of giggles.

'Did you see the looks on their faces?' Bishop wiped a tear from his eye. 'It was priceless!'

'I'm fortunate to have a photographic memory.' Sage chuckled. 'But you do realise that this will be all over the Institute by morning, don't you?'

'Why Sage, it almost seems as if you're scared.' Bishop teased.

'Of course not.' Sage snorted in derision at the thought. I'm not scare dof anything. I'm the Goddamn Sage!'

Bishop cocked a curious eyebrow.

'Been reading Wade's comic collection again?'

Sage smiled embarrassedly.

'Is it that obvious?'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: The Mutie Without A Face**

_Penance continues with her pursuit of Chamber. Will she be able to catch her man? Tune in next time to find out._


	12. The Mutie Without A Face

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 12: The Mutie Without A Face**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

All was well at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. Students, teachers, and non-faculty X-Men alike went about their business. Two students weren't heading for class. They weren't playing hooky, however. They had been specially chosen for a team led by Cable. These two students were Penny and Sharon Smith, also known as the Sirens Penance and Catseye.

'Well, I for one am intrigued.' Sharon told her red-skinned friend as she walked with Penny to the elevator that would take them to the X-Mansion's lower levels. 'Why d'you think we were chosen to join this team instead of any of the others?'

'We've been around the longest, I guess.' Penny suggested. 'I wonder who else is on the team?'

'Ooh, I bet it's your boyfriend, that cute British guy. Chamber.'

Penny's blushed deeply.

'He-he isn't my boyfriend...' Penny stammered embarrassedly. 'W-we're only friends.'

'That isn't what I heard.' Sharon snickered in a sing-song voice. 'You want him so bad!'

Penny shot her friend and teammate a withering glare.

'Yes, so? What if I do like him in that way? That doesn't mean that it's wrong.'

'But what if you guys _did_ get together?' Sharon started to point ouy. 'He's way too old for you.'

'He's only two years older than Jubilee.' Penny countered. 'And she's one year older than me!'

'But three years! That still makes it kinda skanky, don't you think?' Sharon continued.

'No more... skanky than Mr Wisdom and Ms Aquilla.' Penny countered. 'Or, what about Mr Logan and Ms Monroe? He's like, one-hundred!'

Sharon rolled her eyes. As much as Sharon would hate to admit it, Penny did have a good point.

'Must you confuse me with logic?'

* * *

**The War Room-**

The wannabe Mutant Messiah, or Cable as he was generally known, was standing in the War Room with the rest of the team. As well as Destiny having visions about an impending crisis of infinite proportions, Cable had begun to have prophetic dreams. Something to do with an ancient evil reawakening. That was precisely why he needed to form another team.

Cable would have called up the former members of X-Force, as he was more familiar with them, but they were all doing their own things on other teams.

Sitting beside Cable, with his feet propped up on the table, was the former Merc-With-A-Mouth, Deadpool. Seeing that Jean Grey and Emma Frost had come back from their maternity leave, Deadpool seemed to be surplus to requirements. He was more than eager to team up with an old friend. At least this time, he didn't have to cope with Scott Summers' incessant anally-retentiveness.

Next to Deadpool, trying to get the former merc to remove his feet from the table, was Betsy Braddock. She had joined the team for the same reason that Deadpool had. She had only joined Scott's team to fill the slot where Jean was made to leave in order to give birth to her daughter.

Next to Betsy was Jean-Paul Beaubier, better known to the general public as the French-Canadian former member of Alpha Flight, Northstar. Jean-Paul had joined up because he wasn't seeing enough action with Moira's team. Besides, that team already had aspeedster in the form of Jean-Paul's sister, Jeanne-Marie.

Next to Jean-Paul was a quite controversial choice. Mystique had only just been granted probationary membership of the X-Men. **(1) **She had been given a place on Cable's team so somebody could keep an eye on her. Even though the mutant terrorist claimed to have come to the X-Men for selfless reasons, she still wasn't trusted all that much.

Sitting quite some way away from Mystique was Chamber. Whereas the British mutant had a huge cavernous space where the lower part of his face and chest should have been, somehow he had regained those parts lost to him. Chamber was a little secretive on the details, however. Not that it bothered Penny all that much. Having a face meant that Chamber could kiss, or that he could kiss somebody.

Finally, sitting on Cable's other side, were Penny and Sharon. Penny was gazing dreamily at Chamber, while Sharon was preening herself. Due to her feline mutation, Sharon sometimes adopted the behaviour of a cat, even when she wasn't in her were-panther form. In this instance, Sharon was licking the back of her hand and coming her hair back with it.

'Most of you will be wondering why I have gathered you here...' Cable began.

'I'll say.' Mystique snorted. 'Here I am, on the same team as the wannabe mutant Messiah, a scab-faced psycho and his British chippy, the token gay guy, a wannabe Johnny Depp-alike, and a pair of kids. Geez, it's like somebody picked a load of names out of a hat.'

'Have you quite finished, Raven?' Cable asked evenly.

'I'm good.' Mystique shrugged. 'You can carry on now...'

Wade leant over to whisper into Betsy's ear.

'I bet you any money that she ends up betraying the team and stabbing somebody in the back. Literally.'

'I can hear you, y'know.' Mystique growled.

'Well, perhaps you'll be able to hear this...' Wade grinned, promptly giving Mystique the finger. 'Can you hear me now? Good.'

'As eloquent as always, Wilson.' Jean-Paul rolled his eyes.

'Ahh, kiss mine, Doris.'

'Better watch yourself there, Wilson.' Mystique quipped. 'He might just take you up on the offer.'

Jean-Paul shot the mutant terrorist a withering glare.

'Terrorist whore.'

'Limp-wristed fairy.' Mystique shot back.

'Untrustworthy skank.'

'Blouse-wearing poof.'

'Can we **please** keep our minds on the task at hand?' An annoyed Cable spoke up above the two arguing mutants.

'He started it.' Mystique sulked.

Cable rubbed the bridge of his nose.

'Do you _really _want me to give you a time out?'

Mystique crossed her arms over her chest with a scowl.

'No.'

'Then I'd like to continue...' Cable sighed in relief. 'Now, earlier I was led to believe that a SHIELD research team disappeared somewhere on the island of Genosha.'

'Uh... question?' Chamber held up his hand. 'Why not tell the Avengers about this? The X-Men an' SHIELD ain't ever been exactly the best o' mates.'

'The Avengers are busy in space.' **(2) **Cable explained. 'Now, our job is to try and discover what caused them to disappear.'

'What were they sent there to research, anyway?' Sharon scratched her head. 'It might help us figure out what made them disappear.'

'A meteorite of unknown origin crashed a short distance of what was once Hammer Bay, the capital of Genosha.' Cable explained. 'The team of SHIELD agents were sent in to try and discover the meteorite's origins.'

'Did they get to find the meteorite?' Betsy asked. 'Could that have been what caused them to disappear?'

'Unknown.' Cable shook his head. 'The team were barely able to report in to the nearest SHIELD helicarrier before all communications were cut off.'

'Then why didn't they send in more SHIELD agents?' Chamber blinked.

'_Doy!' _Wade snorted. 'They wanna send in the mutie cannon fodder to save them losing any more precious agents.'

'Surely, you can't be serious.' Jean-Paul shook his head in disbelief.

'I am serious.' Wade replied. 'And don't call me Shirley!'

* * *

**Later-**

Cable and his team were now sitting onboard on of the X-Men's many X-Jets as they flew towards the ruined island of Genosha. Cable had taken the pilot's seat while Northstar was his co-pilot. Wade and Betsy were sitting behind them. Penny had made sure to get the seat next to Chamber. It was going to be a long trip, and the Brit mutant might have wanted some company.

Penny twirled her thumbs nervously. Here she was, sitting beside the man of her dreams, but she was too scared to even look at him. What would Jubilee say? She had been so helpful in getting Penny used to normal life. She'd be ashamed to see that Penny had returned to her shy, retiring type.

'Penny for 'em.' Jono chuckled slightly at his little joke.

Penny snapped out of her daydream and smiled embarrassedly.

'I-I-I was just... thinking.' She stammered. 'I-I've never been to this Genosha place before. W-what about you?'

'Can't say that I've ever been here.' Chamber shook his head. 'It's not exactly on the top of the list for me greatest holiday destinations.'

'Just kiss him!' Sharon yelled in exasperation from the back of the X-Jet.

Penny's eyes widened in surprise and fear as she shrunk down into her seat. The ground never opened up and swallowed you when you wanted, did it?

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Mission to Genosha**

_Cable's team continues with the investigation on Genosha. While there, they bump into an old extraterrestrial enemy of the X-Men. Who do I mean? Tune in next time to find out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Mystique was given probationary membership in '_Uncanny X-Men'

**(2)- **_See '_Uncanny Avengers' _for details on the Avengers' adventures in space._


	13. Mission to Genosha

**Uncanny XSE **

**Chapter 13: Mission to Genosha**

**By **

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer-** _All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact-** _Cable was initially intended to be an aged version of the New Mutants' Cannonball._

* * *

**Genosha-**

Hammer Bay, the capital city of Genosha. Well, before the whole island was ravaged by a hoard of deadly Sentinels. The entire island was left in a state of ruin. The majority of the island's buildings were little more than shattered shells of what they once were. However, smack-bang right in the middle of the capital city was a makeshift memorial to these lost to the Sentinel attack made from miscellaneous wreckage and an inert Sentinel shell. It almost seemed like a mutant Mount Rushmore, with Magneto and Professor X's faces on it.

'Wow, that's one big hunk of art.' Deadpool whistled as he looked up, and up, and up. 'And you say that Polaris made this?'

'I believe so.' Northstar nodded. 'However, I doubt she was entirely sane at the moment of the memorial's construction.'

'Gee, ya think?' Deadpool snorted. 'The whole thing reeks of daddy issues.'

'And you wouldn't know anything of that, would you dear?' Psylocke gently teased the former Merc-With-A-Mouth.

Deadpool turned around the regard his girlfriend.

'I've told you before, Cute Buns, that I can't remember anything about my family.'

'Alright for some...' Mystique muttered as she paced impatiently nearby. 'Yo, Nate! When're we gonna get to work? I only joined this team to kick some ass! Yet, here we are, not kicking ass!'

'Patience, Mystique.' Cable told the former mutant terrorist. 'We are just waiting for one more member to join the team.'

'Then why couldn't they have joined us in the first place?' Mystique sighed. 'It woulda saved us a hell of a lot of time.'

'Gee, it's always a pleasure to feel wanted.' A familiar voice quipped from above their heads. Everybody looked upwards to see the last member of their team floating down from the sky above them. It was Rachel Grey, aka the X-Man Marvel Girl. She was also Cable's half-sister.

'Oh joy.' Mystique twirled her finger in the air sarcastically. '_More _X-Men. This mission just gets better and better.'

'Sorry I'm so late, guys...' Rachel apologised, purposely ignoring Mystique's comments. 'I was over in Madrid with Storm and the rest of her team.'

'No offence or anything...' Catseye piped up. 'But shouldn't we get a move on? There are missing SHIELD agents to be found.'

'You're right, Catseye.' Cable agreed with a nod. 'We had better get going. There is no telling what kind of trouble those SHIELD agents have gotten themselves into.'

'Then why don't you just use your fancy brain powers to find them, O Almighty Mutant Messiah?' Mystique grumbled.

Cable smiled slightly at the blue-skinned former villain.

'Where would the fun in that be?'

Mystique just shook her head with a heavy sigh and followed the rest of the team onwards.

'Y'know, we need a name.' Deadpool piped up. 'Every great team has a cool name. The Avengers, the Runaways, Manchester United...'

'What about X-Force?' Penance offered. 'You used to lead a team with the same name didn't you, Mr Cable?'

'I did, Penance.' Cable nodded. 'I think it would make a great team name.'

'Like I care.' Mystique muttered to herself. 'Just as long as we don't call ourselves something sucky like X-Statix, the Invaders, or... Arsenal.'

* * *

**Later-**

Cable and his team found themselves in one of the subterranean caverns underneath Genosha. Deadpool, Chamber and Northstar had broken out the torches so they could all see in the darkness.

'Do you guys know what this reminds me of?' Deadpool asked.

'No, we don't know.' Northstar rolled his eyes. 'And we don't particularly care, either.'

Deadpool just ignored the former member of Alpha Flight's comments and continued talking.

'Don't you guys think this is even a little bit like that movie Alien? Y'know, when John Hurt's character goes into that alien spaceship and finds all those alien eggs?'

Chamber looked about at his surroundings, his eyes straining in the darkness.

'Now that ya mention it, this whole situation does seem a little bit familiar...'

'Game over, man...' Deadpool mumbled to himself. 'Game over...'

'Stop that, the both of you!' Psylocke frowned, smacking Wade upside the head. 'You're scaring the girls.'

'I'm not scared.' Catseye waved it off. 'I pity the fool that tries to mess with me! Cuz then they'd better pray for mercy from... Catseye in pants that chafe!' **(1)**

'A little too much information, thank you.' Northstar winced as the group carried onwards.

Whereas Catseye was at least pretending not to be scared, Penance saw this as an opportunity to get closer to Chamber. The red-skinned mutant carefully slid her hand into his.

Chamber cocked a curious eyebrow.

'You alright there, Pen?' The Brit mutant queried.

Penance just blushed and turned away, embarrassed.

* * *

**Later still-**

Cable and his group had stopped in front of a great big metallic door that was barring their way.

'Just use your damn powers to knock the door down!' Mystique threw her arms up in exasperation. 'Spare us all your freaking time-wasting!'

'I already told you that for some reason, I can't access my telekinesis.' Cable explained. 'Neither can Rachel.'

'Well, I'm certainly glad that I joined your team, O Almighty Mutant Messiah.' Mystique grumbled.

'Tell me again why you let her join the team?' Rachel whispered to her half-brother.

'I thought that her talents could come in handy.'

'And what talents would those be?' Northstar piped up with a grin. 'Being a two-bit whore?'

'It's better than being a limp-wristed nancy-boy.' Mystique shot back, glaring at theformer skier.

'Terrorist harlot.'

'Blouse-wearing fairy.'

'Psychotic tart.'

'Flaming great big poof.'

Deadpool turned to Psylocke with a smirk.

'We so should have brought popcorn.'

Betsy just shook her head and walked away to find a way through the door that blocked their way.

Deadpool noticed a slight protrusion on the door and leant closer to examine it.

'Fascinating...' **(2)** The former Merc-With-A-Mouth thought out loud as he inspected the knob-shaped protrusion. He then pressed it.

The massive big doors preventing the group from going any further began to open with the sound of metal grinding upon metal.

Deadpool leapt back and held up his hands in defence.

'I touch nothing!' **(3)**

'Well, I guess that we've found a way through.' Psylocke stated as she took a cursory look beyond the doorway.

Northstar narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he looked around at the walls beyond the huge doorway.

'Is it me, or does this hallway look... organic?'

Mystique cautiously touched the walls and rubbed some clear goo in-between her thumb and forefinger.

'Whatever these walls are made of, somebody certainly hasn't cleaned them for quite some time.'

'It's like I said...' Deadpool repeated. 'This is Alien all over again.'

'You watch too much TV.' Psylocke shook her head.

'And you don't watch enough.' Deadpool shot back cheerily.

'Wade, shush!' Rachel hissed. 'I'm getting a tingle...'

'Ooh, kinky.' Wade smirked cheekily.

'Not that kind of tingle.' Rachel shot him a glare. 'It's like there's something scratching at the back of my head.'

'Could be lice.' Mystique shrugged.

Rachel then shot Mystique a glare.

'What?' The former terrorist asked with an innocent grin. 'It was only a suggestion.'

A short distance behind the group, one of Deadpool's feet had become stuck in a large puddle of goo.

'Guys, wait up!' Wade called after them. 'I'm stuck! Guys! Hey! Guys...?'

Then it dawned on the former Merc-With-A-Mouth, the group had left him behind.

'Oh yeah, there is definitely an Alien vibe going on here.' Wade said to himself. 'As soon as somebody gets separated from the group... Bam! Alien chow!'

Wade spun around at the sound of an inhuman hiss.

'_Fressssh_ meat...' An inhuman voice hissed.

'That had better be you, Betsy...' Wade chuckled nervously. 'Cuz I don't think that I'd like the alternative.'

Unfortunately, it wasn't Wade's girlfriend. That much was obvious as a giant insectoid creature crept out of the shadows. The creature had evil yellow eyes, a flat triangular head, and a stinger on the tip of its tail. They were the Brood, old alien enemies of the X-Men!

'Mmmm, Her _Highnessss_ will be most pleased with _thissss _one...' The creature looked Wade up and down.

'Oh _yessss, sssshe_ will be _mosssst pleassssed_.' Another Brood creature hissed, gnashing its deadly-looking fangs in eagerness.

'I don't think so somehow.' Wade retorted as he whipped out his guns. 'Say goodnight Gracies!'

**_BLAM! BLAM!_**

Wade shot both creatures right in-between the eyes. Neon-green blood gushed from the bullet holes in the Brood aliens' heads.

'Heh. Cleanup on aisle three!'** (4)** Wade smirked as he finally managed to free himself from the sticky goo and headed off to find the rest of the group. Hopefully, they hadn't fallen victim to the aliens just yet.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Game Over, Man! Game Over!**

_The All-New Uncanny X-Force takes on the Brood and an extra-special guest-star villain! Who? Tune in next time to find out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)-** _A pretty nifty amalgamation of Mr T and Puss in Boots from Shrek._

**(2)-** _Spock's catchphrase. Well, apart from saying that everything is 'illogical' of course._

**(3)-** _Remember Short Round from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? Yeah, he said that._

**(4)-** _This was one of Deadpool's taunts in the X-Men Legends 2 video game._


	14. Gamer Over, Man! Game Over!

**The Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 14: Game Over, Man! Game Over!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**&&&&&**

**Genosha-**

The tunnels deep underneath the island nation of Genosha weren't exactly on the top of the X-Men's favourite holiday destinations. Especially when those tunnels were swarming with ravenous alien creatures collectively known as the Brood!

Cable's team fought desperately against the alien hoard, but as soon as one Brood creature was cut down, several more seemed to take its place.

'This is getting old, quick!' Mystique groused as she shot one Brood creature in the head. 'I didn't expect to end up as Ripley to your Marine cannon fodder when I signed up for this gig.'

'I wouldn't necessarily call you Ripley, Mystique...' Northstar quipped as he flung two Brood creatures against the wall, splattering them all over. 'I would have called you that annoying butch Mexican Marine woman. You know the one, she ends up blowing herself up.'

'Bite me, Alice.' Mystique sneered, giving the Canadian mutant the finger.

'No thank you.' Northstar gave the blue-skinned shapeshifter a charming grin. 'I like to think I have better taste.'

'Which is precisely why you're crushing on the Ice Cube.' Mystique snorted. 'C'mon, get over it! He's spoken for!'

Northstar chose to ignore that comment and zipped off in search of more Brood creatures to dispatch.

'It's no good...' Psylocke shook her head as she leapt over one of the Brood creatures to land on the back of another. 'There are too many of these bloody buggers!'

'I know how to get rid of them...' Marvel Girl grinned as she got an idea.

The other X-Men shielded their eyes as a fiery aura appeared around Marvel Girl in the shape of a giant bird.

The various Brood drones screeched in fear at the sight of the fiery bird before them.

'The Phoenix!' One Brood drone screeched fearfully. 'The death bringer is upon us!'

'Flee! Flee!' Another drone screeched in return. 'Run away! Run away!'

Rachel just crossed her arms over her chest with a triumphant grin.

'Am I badass, or what?'

'Couldn't you have done that a little _earlier?' _Mystique grumbled as she wiped Brood goo off her front.

'And miss a chance at seeing you covered in snot?' Rachel laughed. 'I don't think so!'

'I'm so glad that my presence here is appreciated.' Mystique muttered under her breath. 'It makes me wish that I stayed evil...'

**&&&&&**

**Later-**

Deadpool had finally managed to rejoin the team, only to find out that he had missed all the fun.

'Can we go home now?' The former Merc-With-A-Mouth asked. 'Cuz King of the Hill is on, and I don't know how to work the video.'

Northstar cocked a curious eyebrow.

'You still use videos?'

'Well, not videos...' Deadpool explained. 'Them new-fangled disc-y thingies... God, I feel old...'

'Keep an eye out, everybody.' Cable reminded them all. 'Seeing that my telepathy is on the fritz, we don't have a any way of informing us of an incoming attack.'

'Excuse me, Mr Cable...?' Catseye held up her hand in an attempt to get attention. 'I have to pee.'

'You should have gone before we left, kid.' Mystique told the teenage cat girl.

'I didn't need to go when we were back at the mansion.' Catseye pointed out.

'Great.' Mystique grumbled. 'This is just super. I don't get any respect from anybody.'

'That's because nobody likes you.' Rachel shot back.

'I like her.' Penance piped up.

'Guys, I've got a funny feeling in the bottom of my gut...' Deadpool stopped in his tracks. 'I think it's trouble. Well, it's either trouble or that week-old burrito I had for breakfast...'

**&&&&&**

**The Xavier Institute-**

Back home at the X-Mansion, Sage was in her usual position of overseeing the Institute's security in her monitor room.

_Surveillance- Camera 18- Subject: Henry McCoy, code-named Beast. Subject: Emma Frost. Subject: Lucas Bishop, code-named Bishop._

Sage leant forward as she watched the trio discussing something. By the look of the envelope in Emma's hand, it seemed that she had received a message from the Hellfire Club. Sage recognised the letterhead straight away.

'Emma, you would be mad _not_ to accept!' Hank told the blonde telepath.

'Then I guess I am mad.' Emma tutted. 'I don't have any ties with the Hellfire Club any longer.'

'Emma, you said yourself that the Hellfire Club holds the best parties outside of the Avengers!' Hank continued. 'And I'd know all about parties at Avengers Mansion. Well, at least I would know if I could remember...'

Sage then noticed that Bishop was holding a similar envelope in his hand.

'Well, I'd better go and give Sage her letter.' Bishop quickly changed the subject. 'I think she'll be more than happy to accept the invitation to another party at the Hellfire Club.'

Sage smacked herself on the head. Of course! She was as much part of the Hellfire Club as Emma was. Okay, she wasn't White Queen or anything, but being Sebastian Shaw's personal assistant had its benefits.

Sage turned from the screen that she had been watching. She didn't want Bishop to think that she was snooping on him...

_Surveillance- Camera 27- Subject: Talia Josephine Wagner, code-named Nocturne. Subject: Katherine Pryde , code-named Shadowcat._

'I don't know whether I'm ready to tell Piotr this...' Kitty sighed nervously. 'How will he react when he finds out that I'm pre...'

Sage swivelled around in her chair as she heard Bishop walk in to her monitor room.

'Hello, Lucas.' Sage smiled at her friend and teammate. 'I wasn't expecting a visit from you. What is it this time, business or pleasure?'

'A little bit of both, actually.' Bishop answered. 'You got this letter from the Hellfire Club...'

Bishop handed Sage the envelope. The dark-haired techno-path smiled in thanks before opening the letter and reading it.

'It's an invitation to a gala at the Hellfire Club...' Sage told her friend. 'Apparently it's under new management.'

'Yeah, I know.' Bishop nodded. 'Hank told me about all that stuff with Shaw and Shuman-Gorath. Apparently the new Black Queen is some woman called Umar, or something.'

'It also says _plus guest...'_ Sage read aloud. 'I wonder who I should take along with me...?'

Bishop's face fell slightly. He was sure that he'd end up being Sage's date.

A small smile spread across the living computer's lips.

'Oh Lucas, you are so gullible.' Sage chuckled. 'Who else would I ask to be my date for the gala?'

'You are a mean, mean woman, Sage.' Bishop shook his head. 'But that's why I love you.'

'Love you too, Lucas.' Sage smiled. 'But I can't sit around here all day. I need a new dress. I need to do something with my hair too...'

Bishop smiled to himself as Sage mentally read off a list of things that needed to be done for the party. He just hoped that this party at the Hellfire Club wasn't a trap...

**TBC...**

**&&&&&**

**Next: Gala Night**

_Is the gala at the Hellfire Club a trap? Sage, Bishop, Emma, and Hank aim to find out. Meanwhile, Cable's team continues with their mission in Genosha. Will they survive an island swarming with the Brood? Tune in next time to find out..._


	15. Gala Night

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 15: Gala Night**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Stupid bug. You go squish now!'_

* * *

**Manhattan-**

Somewhere in one of the most exclusive areas of Manhattan was a great big building where the richest of the rich hung out. It was the main headquarters of the exclusive Hellfire Club. Shiny limousines pulled up to the building, and immaculately-dressed people stepped out and went inside. The new Black Queen was throwing a party to celebrate the formation of a new Inner Circle. Nobody knew who the new Black King and co would be. It was being kept very hush-hush.

One sparkling white limousine pulled up outside the Hellfire mansion. One of the valets stepped up to open the door, letting the limousine's occupants step outside.

Emma Frost, looking resplendent in a slinky white dress and matching shoes, was the first to step out.

'Oh, will you stop being such a child and get out of the bloody car?' Emma told one of her companions. 'Honestly, Henry. You'd think that you've never wore a tuxedo before.'

'Of course I have wore a tuxedo before, Emma dearest.' The blue leonine X-Men pointed out as he slowly stepped out of the limousine. 'It's just that I doubt that I am not one of the Hellfire Club's usual guests.'

'You are a guest of the former White Queen, Henry.' Emma reassured her fuzzy blue lover as she linked her arm with Hank's. 'If anybody has a problem with your presence here, then they will have to take it up with me.'

'Hell hath no fury like a former White Queen scorned.' The time-travelling mutant known as Bishop quipped as he helped Sage, wearing a shiny black dress, out of the limousine.

'You know, I preferred you when you were a humourless policeman from the future.' Emma retorted.

Bishop clutched his heart dramatically.

'Oh, you wound me, Emma.'

'Bishop, stop it.' Sage sighed as she prodded her date in the shoulder. 'Must we start sniping at each other whenever we got out somewhere?'

'Truer words have never been spoken.' Hank chuckled as he started to lead the group towards the mansion.

'Excuse me, but I believe that _I_ should be the one in the lead...' Emma pointed out.

Hank stopped and bowed chivalrously.

'Lead on, milady.'

'Stop that!' Emma hissed as she grabbed Hank by the arm and pulled him towards the door. 'You're making a scene!'

'_You'll_ be the one making a scene in a minute if you don't keep yourself from falling out of that dress.' Sage quipped.

Emma chose to ignore the living computer's teasing.

'This bloody dress fit me perfectly well the last time I went to a party.' Emma frowned, looking down at herself.

'You have given birth, remember?' Hank reminded the blonde telepath. 'It is only natural that you have put on some weight since then.'

'That's it...' Emma grumbled. 'I'm going on a diet when we get back home. Only healthy food from now on.'

'Oh yes, that'll last.' Hank muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes.

Emma spun around to shoot the fuzzy blue cat man with a withering glare.

'What did you say?'

Hank just smiled back sweetly.

'Nothing, dear.'

* * *

**Inside-**

After the four x-men had gained entrance to the Hellfire mansion, they headed to the main ballroom where the party was being held.

'It's been such a long time...' Emma sighed nostalgically as she looked around at their surroundings. 'Although, I would have thought that this new Black Queen would have done something new with the place.'

'Why fix what isn't broken?' Sage responded. 'I think the mansion looks fine enough as it is.'

'And we all know that you are so well-known for your stellar fashion decisions.' Emma shot back.

_'Cough-Reverse-X-Bra-cough.' _Sage pretended to cough into her hand.

Emma shot the black-haired woman a glare and headed into the main ballroom.

'I think I'll head to the buffet table before a fight breaks out.' Bishop suggested.

'I think I'll join you.' Hank nodded in agreement. 'It will give the ladies a chance to mingle.'

Emma reached into her purse for her cellphone. It had almost been an hour, and she hadn't phoned home to check up on how little Christian was doing. What if something had happened to him? What sort of mother would Emma look like if her baby son had a seizure while she was out gallivanting? Jean would _never_ let her live it down!

'Do my eyes deceive me, or is the almighty Emma Frost worrying about something?' A sultry voice chuckled.

'Selene.' Emma nodded in greeting. 'Always such a pleasure to see you.'

'We both know that it's a blatant lie, but thank you all the same.' The former Black Queen nodded in thanks, a blatantly false smile plastered on her face.

'No husband tonight?' Emma noticed.

'Ben's over by the buffet table.' Selene explained. 'He seems to have taken a liking to the shrimp puffs.'

'It's all in the pastry.' Emma sniffed.

'Oh, no. I disagree.' Selene shook her head. 'It's all down to the fresh shrimp.'

'We both know that the cooks get the irregular shrimp cheap from the market.' Emma pointed out. 'I'll be surprised if we don't all come down with food poisoning.'

'I always know that I'll have scintillating conversation with you, Emma, dear.' Selene chuckled falsely. 'I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to go and gouge out my eyes with red-hot pokers.'

'Have fun.' Emma smiled sweetly.

Once Selene was out of earshot, Emma was able to voice her true feelings.

'Cow.'

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Hank was occupying himself beside the buffet table.

'Mmm, these shrimp puffs are indeed delicious.' The X-Men's resident scientist licked his furry lips. 'I'll have to ask for the recipe.'

'You'll be lucky if you get it, pal. I've asked all around. Everybody's been sworn to secrecy.'

Hank spun around at the sound of the familiar voice. The blue-furred scientist instantly recognised the voice. It was one of his best friends.

'Oh my stars and garters! Simon! What are you doing here?'

'What else?' Simon Williams, the ionic-powered Avenger known as Wonder Man grinned. 'I'm here for the free food! Well, that and the fact that Tony invited a couple of the Avengers.'

'And where is the fair Ms Hardy tonight?' Hank inquired, referring to Simon's present girlfriend and fellow Avenger, Felicia Hardy.

'She's about here somewhere.' Simon responded. 'I just hope that she doesn't get any ideas. I doubt that the Hellfire Club will appreciate it if any of their priceless artifacts disappear.'

'Indubitably.' Hank nodded. 'Oh, it seems that tonight's activities are about to begin.'

Simon turned to see where Hank was pointing. A raven-haired woman had taken the stage. The woman was wearing the traditional garb of the Black Queen, namely a skimpy black bodice and matching panties.

'Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention? Thank you. I am Umar, the new Black Queen. I would now like you to introduce you to the new Inner Circle...'

At Umar's signal, several more people walked onto the stage. First up was a man with neatly-parted black hair and a thin moustache.

'The Black King, John Jaspers.' Umar introduced the man.

Next was a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair.

'The Black Bishop, Lady Helen Thomas.' **(1)**

Next was a Hispanic looking young man with short brown hair.

'The Black Rook, Manuel Alfonzo Rodrigo de la Rocha.' **(2)**

Next was a beautiful blonde woman dressed in a similar fashion to Umar, except her skimpy bodice was white. Her companion was a man with eerily piercing eyes and short red hair.

'The White Queen and White King, Courtney Ross, and Daimon Hellstorm.'

Finally came another couple. One was a man with short blond hair, and a rather shy-looking red-headed girl.

'And finally, but by no means least, Daniel Rand, and Marie-Ange Colbert, the White Bishop, and White Rook.' **(3)**

Hank looked over to Simon.

'John Jaspers? Where have I heard that name before?'

'I think his father used to be some British politician, I think.' Simon answered. 'I think he was involved in some scandal a few years ago.' **(4)**

'Oh, those wacky Brits.' Hank chuckled. 'With their lecherous politicians.'

'And people think that the Brits are suppose to be repressed.' Simon shrugged.

'And to think that I was worrying that the new Inner Circle would be full of villains.' Hank shook his head.

'Yeah.' Simon chuckled. 'It's not as if the Black Queen is ruler of the Dark Dimension.'

Hank matched his friend's laugh.

'Or that the White King is the son of Satan. Now, that would just be silly.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Back To Genosha**

_Cable's team continues with their mission to Genosha. Will they manage to defeat the Brood Queen, or will they end up as lunch? Tune in next time to find out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Lady Helen Thomas is the real name of my OC. The woman that replaced Kelsey Leigh as Captain Britain._

**(2)- **_The former Hellion known as Empath_

**(3)- **_Also known as the Immortal Iron Fist, and the former Hellion, Tarot._

**(4)- **_This is, of course, referring to the classic 'Jasper's Warp' storyline back when the original Captain Britain had his own book._


	16. Return to Genosha

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 16: Back to Genosha**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.'_**- Spike (School Hard)**

* * *

**Genosha-**

Cable and his mismatched band of mutants continued to trudge through the seemingly endless miles of tunnels underneath the island of Genosha.

'Y'know, a guy could get used to this.' Deadpool admitted as he looked around at the place. 'Okay, the dank would take a little getting used to, but bring in a plasma TV and a few cases of beer, then you've got a party.'

'You are a very annoying insane man.' Northstar grumbled.

'Love you too, Shirley.' Deadpool retorted. 'But not in the way you think, cuz... not gay, and also... engaged to pregnant lady.'

'I _know_ what you mean, you twit.' Northstar grumbled.

'Is there any chance that you'd ever do a favour and shut the hell up?' Mystique groaned. 'I'm starting to get a migraine, and I doubt that there happens to be a pharmacy somewhere in these tunnels.'

'I'm so glad you chose to join the X-Men.' Marvel Girl smiled falsely. 'But the next time you do something like this, could you... not?'

Penance and Catseye were walking a short distance away from the adults.

'Are the adults always this bitchy towards each other?' Penance asked her feline friend.

'If you've known these people as long as I have, you'd know that they never speak to each other differently.' Catseye stated. 'It's one big pile of love with the X-Men.'

Cable stopped in his tracks as he sensed something.

'Ooh! What's the matter, Nate old bean?' Deadpool quipped. 'Little Timmy trapped down a well?'

'The Brood are back.' Cable explained. 'It looks like Rachel's distraction didn't work for as long as we hoped.'

'Yeah, thanks for that, little brother.' Rachel rolled her eyes. 'I thought it would be my fault.'

'Would you prefer it if I acted like a _real_ younger brother and started to pull your hair or put frogs down the back of your shirt?'

'And this is me shutting up and getting ready for a fight...' Rachel sighed as she levitated herself into the air.

The rest of the team prepared themselves for another onslaught from their alien foes.

Mystique was the first to take out one of the Brood creatures. She shot one in the head as soon as it came out of its hiding place.

Catseye and Penance double-teamed more of the Brood creatures. Penance was catapulted into the air by her feline companion and easily cut her alien foes into pieces with her razor-sharp claw-like fingers.

Northstar grabbed two more of the creatures by the tail and dashed towards the wall of the tunnel at super-speed. he then threw the two captured brood creatures at the wall. The creatures' momentum caused them to be splattered against the tunnel wall, spraying bright green arcs of goo all over.

Deadpool somersaulted all over the place, alternating between cutting down more Brood creatures with his sword and filling them full of holes with his guns.

_'Hoo-eee!_' Deadpool crowed as he leapt onto the back of one of the Brood creatures and plunged his sword into the creature's eye. 'Ah reckon that ah'm havin' the greatest boy-howdy tahme in mah lahfe!'

'Did anybody understand what he just said?' Rachel groaned as she crushed another pair of the Brood with her telekinesis. 'Cuz I don't speak mentalist.'

* * *

**A short while later-**

Cable's crew had finally managed to fight their way through the seemingly endless army of Brood warriors. The team didn't have time to rest, as they had to soldier on and nip the Brood incursion in the bud.

'Not that I don't appreciate the gratuitous violence...' Deadpool started to whine as he stepped into the chamber. 'But... are we done yet? I've got better things to do.'

The semi-retired Merc-With-A-Mouth stopped talking once he noticed that the rest of the team had stopped in their tracks and were staring at something in front of them.

'What?' The ever-oblivious Deadpool blinked. 'What's so scary? Is Wolverine pooping in a bush again?'

'Will you just shut up and look?' An annoyed Mystique snapped.

Deadpool then turned around to see what the other were looking at. In the middle of the huge chamber was the Brood Queen. It almost looked like a scene from Aliens. The Brood Queen was many, many times bigger than her minions.

'Aww, crap in a hat...' Deadpool's jaw fell slack.

'Ah, I was wondering when you would arrive.' Her Majesty chuckled. 'I trust that you did not find my minions to be too much of a distraction?'

One of the Queen's minions crept up to whisper in her Majesty's ear. Well, whatever passed for ears with the Brood.

'Your Majesty... The Phoenix...'

Her Majesty swatted at her cowardly minion with a clawed appendage.

'Fool! We are the Brood! We have no fear of lesser beings such at these! The Phoenix is nothing but a legend.'

'Oh, is that so...?' Rachel smirked as a fiery aura started to appear around her.

Her Majesty wasn't impressed.

'Is that supposed to scare me?' The Brood Queen scowled. 'You foolish mammals have no idea who I am, do you?'

'You are the Brood Queen.' Penance piped up. 'Your race reproduces by implanting embryos into host bodies. The host then metamorphoses into one of the Brood.'

'Wow, you've really done your homework, kid.' An impressed Mystique blinked.

'I'm Penance.' The red-skinned mutant smiled sweetly. 'I know stuff.'

'You bore me...' The Brood Queen sighed, motioning to her minions. 'Destroy them. But save the white-haired one. He will make an exceptional host. Kill the rest.'

'Sounds like you have a fan, Cable.' Northstar quipped.

'Then she'll have to join my fan club like everybody else.' Cable responded, his bionic eye flaring up as he prepared to use his powers.

'What... what are you doing?' The Brood Queen asked uncertainly.

'Here is a little something that I prepared earlier...' Cable smirked as a hi-tech and fancy-looking device appeared in his hand with a flash of light.

'How come _you _get to use all of the cool stuff?' Deadpool sulked.

'I would suggest that you all retreat to a safe distance.' Cable instructed the rest of his team. 'The Chrono-Accelerator isn't to be taken lightly.'

'Wait...' Catseye blinked in recognition. 'You stole that from Castle Doom, didn't you?'

'I remember seeing something like that when the Sirens teamed up with the Young Avengers.' Penance nodded. 'Don't you think that Doctor Doom will be angry when he finds out that you've stolen his stuff?'

'It's not like he's using it.' Cable shrugged. 'Anyway, I left a note.'

'Not that I want to interrupt all this lovely exposition...' Deadpool piped up. 'But, shouldn't we move away from the big scary flashy thing like Cable said so?'

'Way ahead of you...' Mystique agreed as she started to back away.

'Don't tell me that you're scared, Mystique.' Northstar chuckled. 'I thought you were some kind of badass.

'It's not fear, it's common sense. When some device appears looking like a gadget out of a Jack Kirby comic, I'd prefer not to be near it when it goes off.' Mystique pointed out. 'Especially when it's called something like the Chrono-Accelerator.'

'...Good point.'

* * *

**Outside-**

Everybody had made their way out of the subterranean tunnels underneath Genosha, and were standing on the shore waiting for Cable's fancy doo-dad to go off.

'Well, that Chrono thingie seemed awfully convenient to me.' Northstar frowned as he sat on a rock. 'Why couldn't Cable use that in the first place?'

'That's Nate's way, I guess.' Rachel shrugged. 'There's still so much that we don't know about him. I just hope that he doesn't plan on sacrificing himself to defeat the Brood.'

'I've heard of a Messiah Complex, but dying for our sins? Isn't that a bit much?' Deadpool chipped in. 'We didn't even get to have a Last Supper.'

Rachel was about to reply, when the ground was rocked by an explosion. Everybody struggled to keep their footing.

'Geez Raven, would you mind telling us before you do something like that again?' Deadpool tutted. 'You could at least stay away from Pryde's cooking.'

'That wasn't me, you idiot.' Mystique snapped at the quasi-sane former merc 'That was Cable's MacGuffin doing its stuff.'

'Mr Cable isn't dead, is he?' Penance asked fearfully. 'He seemed so nice, and I barely began to know him.

'Oh, ye of little faith.'

Everybody spun around at the sound of Cable's voice.

'How? What? Huh?' Rachel blinked in surprise.

'How did you escape from the explosion?' Catseye's jaw dropped.

'Why didn't you get sucked into the time stream?' Northstar asked. 'Again.'

'How do you think?' Cable smirked reassuringly. 'I'm goddamn Cable.'

'Okay, that was just lame.' Deadpool groaned. 'All Star Batman and Robin is _sooo_ last year!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next- It's A Mad, Mad Murderworld**

_Arcade is back! This time he's kidnapped Banshee, Juggernaut, Aurora, Jubilee, Skin, and Nocturne. Will the sextet of mutants be able to survive Murderworld, or will they end up as just another sideshow attraction? Tune in next time to find out..._


	17. It's A Mad, Mad Murderworld: Part 1

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 17: It's a Mad, Mad Murderworld- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'So, what's her power? Sides the ability t' stick out her chest.'_**- Jubilee (Gambit and the X-ternals)**

* * *

**Somewhere-**

The firework-throwing mutant known as Jubilee woke up and found herself in total darkness.

'What the hell?' The yellow trenchcoat-wearing mutant rubbed her head and groaned in pain. 'Ow. Geez. What did I do last night?'

'Looks like somebody forgot to pay the electricity bill, chica.' Angelo piped up. It might have been the grey-skinned Latino mutant, but Jubilee couldn't see all that well in total darkness.

'Looks like I'll have to throw a little light on the situation...' Jubilee mumbled as she used her powers to illuminate the area. It appeared that she and Angelo were in some abandoned warehouse. Other than that, the Asian girl didn't have the foggiest idea where she was.

Jubilee and Angelo weren't the only ones there, however. Sean Cassidy, Cain Marko, Jeanne-Marie Beaubier and Talia Josephine Wagner were sprawled all across the room, starting to come to. They all looked as confused as Jubilee was.

'Banshee? Juggernaut? Aurora? Nocturne?' Jubilee recognized with a shocked gasp.

'What're all of you doing here?' Angelo wondered.

'The last I remember, we were heading home from an appearance on a chat show...' Sean remembered. 'We got in the limousine that was to take us home, then...'

'Everything after that's kind of a blur.' Cain chipped in. 'But the last thing I noticed before I passed out was...'

'Knockout gas!' TJ snapped her fingers in recognition. 'But who the hell would want to kidnap _us?'_

'It would be easier to give you a list of the people who do _not_ wish to kidnap us.' Jeanne-Marie sighed. 'If it is the Weapon-X program, I shall not be pleased at all.'

As if in answer to the gathered heroes' questions, a spotlight suddenly snapped on above their heads and a voice began to speak.

'Well, I'm glad to see that you guys're awake. I was beginning to get bored.'

'Oh, this is just _fantastic!_' TJ groaned as she held her head in her hands. 'We've been kidnapped by Arcade!'

'Wait...isn't he dead?' Angelo frowned in confusion, scratching his head.

'I've lost track.' Cain groused. 'I can't tell who's alive or dead anymore.'

'Give the pretty blue lady a prize!' Arcade laughed. 'But seriously, you guys had better get outta that warehouse pretty quick. A countdown started as soon as you all woke up. I'd say that you have... oh, about fifty seconds before you end up as Kentucky Fried Mutants. What're you gonna do, X-Men? What are you gonna do?'

TJ looked over at Cain.

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' The blue-skinned elf woman smirked. The Juggernaut matched her grin with one of his own.

'Fastball Special.' Cain nodded as he picked her up. Sean and Jeanne Marie followed suit as they picked up Jubilee and Angelo respectively. TJ shielded herself with her arms as Cain tossed her through the window. Sean and Jeanne-Marie followed her out as they flew through the hole that the former Exile had just made. Cain simply smashed his way through the wall.

Everybody had made it out of the warehouse just in time to see the building explode in a ball of flames.

'Well, it looks like you guys survived that one without a single scratch. But let's see how you handle the next surprise I have for ya...'

The floor beneath the X-Men's feet disappeared and the quintet of mutants (plus one mystically-empowered human) plunged down into a tube that sent them spiralling onwards.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

The six X-Men soon found themselves being deposited in an undignified lump in what seemed to be a giant pinball machine.

'Whose hand is that?' Jeanne-Marie groused as she struggled to extract herself from the pile of mutants.

'My bad.' Cain apologised, rapidly removing his hand from the Canadian's person.

'I didn't tell you to remove it, did I?' The flirty former Alphan teased the former avatar of Cyttorak with a grin. the redheaded powerhouse blushed.

'I don't think now is the time for flirting guys...' Jubilee warned the others as she looked around at her surroundings. 'We'd better find a way outta here quick. I for one ain't gonna jump through hoops for this freak.'

'Oh, quite on the contrary, my dear Jubilation.' Arcade laughed through hidden speakers. 'Y'see, the only way out of my little playground is through the designated exit. You can't miss it. It's a great big door with exit shining in big neon lights above it.'

'Ye might as well stop all o' this rubbish and spare yuirself some pain, Arcade.' Sean told the villain. 'Cuz that's what ye'll be in for once we get out o' here!'

'Oh, I just _love _it when they're feisty!' Arcade giggled madly. 'But seriously, pop quiz, hot shot... Can you outrun a giant pinball before it squashes you all flat? Seeya on the flipside!'

And with that, all was silent.

'He _cannot _be serious.' Angelo shook his head. 'A giant pinball? Is this hombre tripping?'

'Arcade has never been the sanest biscuit in the tin.' TJ told him. 'In this reality or mine. I guess some people are the same in every reality.'

'Wait... Do you hear that?' Jeanne-Marie cocked her head. 'It almost sounds like...'

'That giant pinball Arcade wuz talking about.' Cain finished for her as he saw a giant metallic ball roll down a chute nearby. 'Don't worry, guys. Nothing can stop the Juggernaut! Especially not some punk ass pinball like this!'

The X-Men all watched as Cain stood right in front of the giant pinball as it rolled down the ramp.

'Cain, are ye sure that this is a good idea...?' Sean asked worriedly.

'Chill out, Irish...' Cain laughed in self-assurance. 'I'm the goddamn Juggerna... _Oof!'_

Cain's boasts were cut short as the giant pinball ran straight over him. Sean, as the most senior X-Man in the group, quickly took charge.

'Jeanne-Marie, Jubilee, TJ, if we use all of our powers together, maybe it'll deflect the pinball and give us a chance o' escape.'

'Sounds as good a plan as any, mon ami.' Jeanne-Marie nodded as she aimed her hands at the approaching pinball. Jubilee and TJ did the same. Once Sean gave them the signal, everybody lashed out at the giant pinball with their powers. Sean with his sonic scream, Jeanne-Marie with her light powers, Jubilee with her fireworks, and TJ with her hex bolts.

'I'll just stand here then...' Angelo muttered as he slowly backed away.

Slowly, but surely, the giant pinball began to slow its approach before coming to a final stop.

'Now it's my turn!' Cain narrowed his eeys at the giant pinball as he got to his feet. 'Nobody tramples the Juggernaut!'

Sean and the others quickly moved out of the way as Cain slammed into the stationary pinball with both his fists.

_**PLORP!**_

The other X-men all shielded themselves as the giant pinball exploded, showering Cain with hideously sticky green goo.

'Aww, _man!' _Cain groaned as he waved his hand about in an attempt to dislodge some of the goo. 'That damn thing just slimed me!'

The rest of the X-Men moved forward to help their teammate. Jeanne-Marie chuckled slightly as she helped Cain to his feet.

'You know, you look pretty cute in green.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: It's a Mad, Mad Murderworld- Part 2**

_Will the X-Men ever escape from Arcade's Murderworld? Tune in next time to find out..._


	18. It's a Mad, Mad Murderworld: Part 2

**Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 18: It's A Mad, Mad Murderworld- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Murderworld-**

Cain had finally managed to remove most of the goo that he had been splattered with when he punched the giant pinball. He and his fellow X-Men were wandering around the giant pinball table that Arcade had trapped them in.

'I can't believe that I got suckered into this like an amateur!' Jubilee grumbled. 'This woulda never happened back with Gen-X.'

'If it did, we coulda blamed it all on Monet, chica.' Angelo smirked.

'Yeah...' Jubilee smiled fondly. 'Like that time when we blamed her for that pudding fight.'

'I for one do not wish to run in to any more of those giant pinballs.' Jeanne-Marie sighed as she linked her arm with Cain's. 'That green goo is impossible to wash out of my hair.'

'It sounds like you're speaking from prior experience.' TJ guessed.

'You do not wish to hear about the time when Guardian, Sasquatch, Snowbird and myself had to save Montreal from the Slime Monsters of Gravlar Seven.' Jeanne-Marie shivered.

'Wow, you wacky Canucks really knew how to party back then.' TJ smirked. 'But all joking aside, I think that we'd better get a move on before Arcade decides to unload more tricks on us.'

'I wish we were that lucky, lass…' Sean said as he heard the sound of several large objects rumbling towards them. 'Look!'

The sextet of X-Men all spun around to see more giant pinballs come rumbling towards them.

'Aww, you gotta be kidding me…' Cain groaned. 'Not more of these damn things.'

'_MULTIBAAAAAALL!!_' Arcade's insane laughter came from somewhere above their heads.

'Remind me to kick that jerk's ass when we get outta this.' Cain grumbled.

'Take a number and get in line, esse.' Angelo chipped in.

'Geez, you guys are worse then a bunch of old women.' Jubilee sighed. 'I suppose that I'm gonna have to do all the work. _Again._ Oh, I'd shield your eyes if I were you.'

The other X-Men did as they were told as the Asian mutant stepped right in the path of the approaching giant pinballs.

'The girl is mad…' Jeanne-Marie shook her head. 'Surely she cannot take out all of those giant pinballs, can she?'

'Jubilee is full of surprises, lass.' Sean pointed out. 'She always finds some way to surprise us.'

'Come on, you sumbitches…' Jubilee taunted the giant pinballs as her body began to glow. 'Come to Jubilee…'

The giant pinball machine that held the X-Men captive was bathed in light as Jubilee lashed out with her powers, incinerating the giant pinballs that were rumbling towards her.

'Ooh, dizzy…' Jubilee groaned as her legs started to falter.

'I've got you, chica.' Angelo said as he dashed forward to catch his girlfriend.

'Please, save your admiration for later…' Jubilee laughed weakly. 'On second thoughts, continue admiring me.'

* * *

**Later-**

The six X-Men had finally found their way out of the giant pinball. Unfortunately, they were nowhere near the exit. They now found themselves stranded in some kind of strange alien landscape full of craters and bubbling pits of acid.

'Well, it don't look like we're in Kansas no more.' Cain noted as he looked around at his surroundings.

'This alien landscape cannae be real…' Sean shook his head. 'This has tae be another one of Arcade's tricks.'

'Oh, how perceptive of ya, Irish!' Arcade's tinny voice laughed from a hidden speaker. 'But don't worry, you're almost at the end. That's if you survive this next little test…'

The six X-Men watched as the alien landscape disappeared to reveal a brightly-coloured circus tent. There were several clowns now standing around them brandishing knives and chains.

'Oh, great…' TJ groaned. 'Why did it have to be clowns? I _hate_ clowns!'

One of the clowns giggled madly as it dove at Jeanne-Marie, who easily sidestepped the attack and blasted the clown in the chest with her light powers. The Canadian mutant smiled in surprise at what she saw. Instead of having a bloody hole in its chest, the clown had sparking circuitry and wires.

'These are not real clowns.' The former Alphan pointed out. 'They are just robots.'

'Well, that's a bonus.' Cain sniffed as he punched off the head of one of the clowns.

'We havenae got the time tae stand around here.' Banshee shook his head as he flew out of range of the robot clowns. 'We have tae get out o' here!'

'Well, unless you've got a plan, then we're just stuck here, Irish.' Jubilee pointed out as she took out more clowns with her fireworks. 'You have got a plan, haven't you?'

Sean just smiled to himself.

'Cain, when I give you the signal, throw one o' the clowns in that direction.' The Irish mutant instructed the unstoppable Juggernaut. 'I think I know where Arcade's hiding himself.'

Cain looked in the direction where Sean was pointing.

'You sure about this?' The magically-empowered powerhouse asked.

'Trust me! Throw the clown!' Sean ordered. 'Throw it now!'

Cain simply shrugged and tossed the clown where Sean instructed. Everybody shielded their eyes as a hail of sparks fell down onto them. The robot clowns slumped down, seemingly out of power.

'You gotta tell me how you did that sometime, Irish.' Jubilee gave the older mutant an impressed nod.

'I dinnae just have a sonic scream, lass.' Sean pointed out. 'I have heightened hearing too. I could hear where Arcade was giving out his commands. And Cain just took out his command centre.'

'Heh. Cool.' Cain smirked.

'Then we'd better go make sure that he doesn't get away, esse.' Angelo pointed out.

'Way ahead of you.' Jeanne-Marie smirked before running off to capture their captor.

* * *

**Later-**

Jeanne-Marie had caught Arcade just as he was about to make a run for it. She then joined the rest of the X-Men outside the warehouse that had held them.

'Oh, you are in so much trouble now, Arcade.' TJ told the redheaded villain. 'You have no idea how lucky you are. Just imagine what would have happened if Wolverine was here.'

'Or Deadpool.' Cain pointed out. 'As a matter of fact, it's a good thing that I'm one of the good guys now. Although, I'm willing to make an exception…' He smirked evilly at the insane redhead, cracking his knuckles.

'Aww, nertz.' Arcade sulked. 'This isn't fair! I was so close! I woulda gotten away with it too, if it was for you pesky X-Men!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Prodigal Morlock**

_Marrow takes a break from Excalibur and pays the X-Men a visit._


	19. The Prodigal Morlock

**The Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 19: The Prodigal Morlock**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Braddock Manor, a few hours ago-**

'Look Jamie, it's nothing to do with you.' The former Morlock known as Marrow explained as she packed her bags. 'I just want a change of venue for a while.'

'Am I missing something here?' The multiple-making mutant known as Jamie Madrox ran his hands through his hair with a confused frown. 'I thought you liked it here.'

'I do…' Marrow turned to regard her teammate. 'It's just… I miss New York. It is my home, you know. I won't be gone for a long time. It's only until all the fuss has died down. I think Meggan and Brian are getting a lot of flack for having a murderer on their team.'

'All that Gene Nation stuff was years ago.' Jamie responded. 'If people don't like it, then that's their problem. And since when have you ever cared what people think about you?'

'You're sweet, Jamie.' Marrow smiled as she gently stroked Jamie's cheek. 'But I've made my mind up. I'm going back to New York. Maybe I'll stop off at the X-Mansion. See how 'Ro and everybody are getting on.'

'Promise you'll call me when you get there?' Jamie asked.

'Promise.' Marrow nodded, still smiling. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, Brian's waiting in the Midnight Runner…'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning, now-**

Ororo, Cain, Jeanne-Marie, and various other X-Men watched as the Midnight Runner came in to land in the landing bay. The group watched as Marrow and Brian Braddock stepped out of Excalibur's equivalent to the X-Men's very own Blackbird jets.

'Hello, Sarah.' Ororo smiled at the former Morlock. 'I trust your flight went well?'

'Apart from a little turbulence over the Atlantic, yeah.' Marrow nodded as she look a look around. 'Hunh. This place hasn't changed all that much since I was here last.'

'Which is ironic, seeing how many times the mansion has been destroyed and rebuilt.' Jean-Paul quipped. 'Really, I'm surprised that Professor Xavier has enough money to pay for teaching materials when he spends most of his time rebuilding.'

'Whatta ya mean _he_ spends the time rebuildin', Northstar?' Cain snorted. 'Who was it that did alla the heavy liftin' the last time this place got blowed up all well and good?'

'I see that you guys have still got a habit of recruiting the bad guys.' Marrow smirked as she looked at Cain. 'Next you're gonna tell me that Mystique joined up as well.'

'Well, it's funny ye should say that, actually…' Sean smiled embarrassedly.

'Well, stranger things have happened, I guess.' Marrow shrugged. 'Magneto used to be headmaster, after all.'

'If that's all you need me for, then I'll be off.' Brian chipped in. 'Can't leave Britain undefended and all that.'

'Oh, so now you don't want to come see your little sister?' Betsy punched her brother in the arm. 'The twins are asking after you. Well, they would be asking after you if they could talk.'

'I still need to get you back after that absinthe thing you pulled.' **(1) **Deadpool added his two cents. 'My head still hurts, you know.

'Oh, Wade. Don't be such a baby.' Betsy rolled her eyes. 'You're worse than the kids sometimes.'

'And sometimes yer kids are the mature ones.' Logan quipped, making several of the other X-Men snicker.

Deadpool spun around and fixed the feral mutant with an angry glare.

'You want some of this?' He challenged.

'Don't waste yer breath, 'Pool.' Logan sighed heavily. 'I got better things to do.'

'Yeah, you better leave!' Deadpool retorted. 'Go polish your claws. Or something!'

Marrow just watched the argument with an amused grin.

'Oh yeah, I can see that I'm gonna have loads of fun now.'

* * *

**Later-**

Sarah had been shown to her room and had finished packing. She now found herself in the War Room with some of the X-Men. She was sitting at the big shiny table with Cain, Jeanne-Marie, Jean-Paul, Sean, Wade, and Betsy.

'So, why did you guys ask me down here?' Sarah inquired as rested her elbows on the table. 'Have we got some bad guys to fight? Magneto up to his old tricks again?'

'Nothing as exciting as that, lass.' Sean shook his head.

'Ooh! Is it Sentinels?' Sarah guessed.

'Think again, kid.' Cain responded.

'Oh, God…' Sarah winced. 'It isn't something lame like Mojo, is it?'

'Wrong again, luv.' Betsy told the former Morlock as she held out a pack of cards.

'Cards?' Sarah blinked in confusion. 'You guys called me down here to play a game of _cards?_'

'Not just any cards, _ma petite._' Jeanne-Marie smirked. 'We are going to play poker.'

'Don't you guys have anything better to do?' Sarah asked as Betsy began to shuffle and deal the cards. 'I mean, don't some of you have classes to teach, or whatever?'

'It's summer, Sarah.' Jean-Paul explained. 'Those students that have parents have returned home for the holidays.'

'And we're stuck here sitting on our hands while we wait for the kids to come back.' Wade chipped in. 'None of us are members of any of the core X-Teams anyway.'

'Yeah, we're not needed for any missions right now. And most of us ain't teachers. Cain nodded as he looked at his cards. He then shrugged. 'Suits me fine. I ain't the teachin' type anyway.'

'Well, at least Betsy and Wade have got reasons for not being on any of the teams.' Sean nodded in agreement as he studied the cards that he had been dealt. 'They've got children of their own to look after.'

'So this is how you guys spend your free time?' Sarah asked. 'By playing poker?'

'Well, that is _one_ of the ways…' Jeanne-Marie smirked mischievously as she gave Cain a cheeky wink. Cain just cleared his throat nervously and studied his cards.

'If you want a change of pace, then you should join in with tomorrow's rugby game.' Betsy suggested. 'Our team needs another member.'

'I'm not gonna let no stinking Avengers win the game by forfeit.' Wade punched the table in anger, scattering his poker chips. 'They've been champions of the superhero poker game for too long! It's about time that somebody showed them what losing is like!'

'It was our turn to choose what sort of game we play, so Betsy chose rugby.' Jean-Paul explained. 'Hopefully, the Avengers don't know how to play that, not being all that well known over here.'

'To be fair, the Avengers do have Squirrel Girl on their team.' Sean reminded everybody. 'She beat up Doctor Doom once, y'know.'

'I thought that was an urban legend.' Sarah blinked. 'Like alligators in the sewers. Or Michael Jackson.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Take Me Out To the Rugby Game**

_Sarah and her friends take on the Avengers in a game of rugby. Who will win? Who will go home on a stretcher? Tune in next time to find out…_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Brian got Wade hopped up on absinthe at the Merc-With-A-Mouth's bachelor party. As seen in '_Uncanny Deadpool II'.


	20. Take Me Out To The Rugby Game

**The Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 20: Take Me Out To The Rugby Game**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

It was a very special day at the home of the X-Men. It was the day of the monthly poker match that the mutant heroes had with the fantastic Four and the Avengers. However, this time would be different. The X-Men were fed up of the losing spree that they had gotten in the poker games, so Deadpool had come up with the idea of holding a rugby game against the Avengers. It was almost like the X-Men had the upper hand, what with all the British members that they had. Okay, Deadpool was technically Canadian, but he was married to Betsy Braddock, who was English.

The Merc-With-A-Mouth was getting ready with the rest of the guys.

'Are ye sure that it's such a wise tae get the ladies involved in this?' Sean Cassidy, the Irish mutant known as Banshee, asked in concern as he slipped a gum shield in his mouth.

'Do you really want to say no to people like Moira or Rahne?' Jono Starsmore, aka Chamber, responded with a snicker. 'They won't be pleased when they find out that you don't have faith in them.'

'Whoa, I'm no' saying that…' Sean shook his head. 'I know Moira and Rahne. It's just… Rugby isnae really an mixed-sex sport, is it?'

'You should know much better than that, _mein freund._' Kurt Wagner told him. 'You have not seen Moira in a fight in a long time.'

'Ooh, I've heard about that.' Wade grimaced. 'And I've done some nasty things, but _geez!_ Although, let's not forget about the missus.'

'Yes, Wade, Betsy is all kinds of badass too.' Jono rolled his eyes. 'As are all of the women.'

'Is that a slight sarcastic tone I hear, Mister Starsmore?' Sean teased.

'Hey, let's not get in a fight over this!' Wade leapt in to stop a fight before it even started. 'Save all your energy for the game.'

* * *

**The playing field-**

A crowd of Avengers, X-Men, and various students had gathered on the playing field at the back of the mansion. The Avengers' team were waiting patiently for their opponents to appear. The World's Mightiest Heroes had decided to play the game in their civilian clothing. It wouldn't have been a fair game if Tony Stark had been wearing his Iron Man armour. That was why Thor was sitting the game out. The Odinson's god-borne strength would also have given then Avengers an unfair advantage too. The same went for Ms Marvel's Kree-given powers.

The X-Men had also substituted some of their players. Taking advantage of the unstoppable Juggernaut would have been unsportsmanlike, as would using Northstar and Aurora's super-speed.

'I still don't think this will be a fair game.' Steve Rogers frowned thoughtfully. 'I doesn't feel right playing such an aggressive game with wo…'

'You had better choose your next words carefully, Steve.' Janet Van Dyne pointed an accusatory finger at the Star-Spangled Sentinel of Liberty. 'Or the X-Men won't be the only ones that you have to worry about.'

'Jan's right, Steve.' Wanda chipped in. 'Just because we're women, it doesn't mean that we're weaker than you.'

'Open mouth, insert foot.' Peter Parker smirked.

'Squee-chrk-chkt.' Tippy-Toe squeaked angrily.

'Yeah, that's right, Tippy-Toe!' Doreen Green nodded in agreement. 'Cap canbe sexist sometimes.'

'Don't be mad, ladies! Cap's just going senile!' Kid Razor heckled with a laugh from the stands. No one invited Razor to the game, but in typical Razor style, he showed up anyway. 'The Kid of Rock hopes Cap don't get hurt during this. Old guys are so prone to injury.' Cap rolled his eyes.

'Shut up, Razor!' Jan snapped at the young rocker.

'You've really dug yourself into a hole this time, Cap.' Tony Stark whispered in the wartime hero's ear. 'I sure hope that the X-Men get out here soon, or you'll have a riot on your hands.'

Thankfully for Captain America, it didn't take the X-Men's team very long to make their way out of the locker rooms. The team of seven mutants joined the seven Avengers, along with Hank McCoy, who was acting as referee. The mutant also known as Beast had also been a member of the Avengers for a while. As a result, he was the ideal person to keep to the rules in the most impartial way possible.

'Now, I believe the Avengers have already been briefed on the rules of the game?' Hank asked Steve's team.

'I played a little bit during the war.' Steve answered with a nod. 'I should be able to remember how it's played.'

'You'd better hope that your memory doesn't fail you today, old man!' Wade retorted. 'Cuz you're gonna get your butt kicked!'

'You won't be saying that once we're the ones holding our hands up high in victory.' Hank Pym shot back.

'Bring it, Yellowjacket!' Rahne challenged the scientist. 'Or Goliath, or whatever yuir callin' yuirself these days.'

'Yay, mummy!' The Sinclair Triplets all cheered as one, holding up a sign with 'Go Mum' writte on it.

'She's got you there, buddy.' Peter snickered.

'Can we please get this game started?' Kurt sighed. 'We are supposed to be out here playing rugby, not arguing like squabbling teenagers.'

'Very well, Kurt.' Hank nodded. 'Now, if everybody will take their places, then I shall start the game.'

Both teams as they were told and adopted the scrum position of two opposing lines of players huddled together. Hank tossed the ball into the huddle and blew the whistle. Then the game began!

There were sounds of feet scrabbling for the ball and people cursing when their feet were 'accidentally' stepped on. After a brief struggle, the Avengers gained possession of the ball. Steve was the one that picked the ball up and ran with it towards the other side of the pitch. Unfortunately for him, Kurt soon caught up with him and tackled him to the ground. The fuzzy elf picked up the ball and ran with it towards the other side of the pitch. Unfortunately for him, Wanda was ready. The hex-wielding mutant tackled him, sending them both tumbling down to the ground. The pair of mutants both fell in an awkward lump. Kurt had his face nestled on Wanda's chest.

'Uh… Sorry.' The fuzzy elf blushed as he quickly got back up to his feet and brushed himself off. He then offered Wanda his hand to help her up.

'It was my fault.' Wanda apologised. 'I suppose I was over-zealous in my tackle.'

'Such awkwardness is one good reason why there isn't such a thing as mixed rugby.' Kurt chuckled nervously.

The pair's daydreaming was cut short as Betsy yelled from the other side of the pitch.

'Kurt! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? We conceded a try thanks to you!'

'Sorry.' Wanda apologised once more before everybody went back to the centre of the field to start over.

* * *

**A little while later-**

After two halves lasting for ten minutes and one minute for halftime, the X-Men eventually emerged victorious. The mutant heroes had barely managed to squeak in their last try. The game had all but finished when Betsy made a dash towards the end of the pitch. The Avengers were unprepared for the British woman's sudden run as the Earth's Mightiest Heroes were sure that they had won the game. There was nobody to stop Betsy from scoring a final five points for her team, making them the winners.

Both teams had changed into clean clothes and were having a victory party. Well, the X-Men were the ones holding the victory party, the Avengers were just invited to join. The X-Men were anything but unsportsmanlike.

'That was one heck of a great game you guys put on.' Tony Stark grinned as he patted Betsy on the back in celebration. 'We have all but won the game when you came streaking down the pitch like a speedster with a firework stuck up his butt.'

'Thanks for the lovely mental image, Tony.' Jan grimaced as she joined in with the collective back-patting. 'But seriously, you guys played well out there.'

'So did you, Jan.' Betsy told the part-time fashion designer. 'For people who don't really know how to play rugby, you did great.'

'We did well enough to almost beat you, remember?' Hank Pym reminded her. 'It's a pity about poor Doreen, though.'

'Aye, the poor lass still cannae get that mud out of her tail.' Rahne shook her head in pity. 'And talking about tails, where's Kurt gotten to?'

'I think I saw Wanda take him away to have his tail seen to.' Peter responded. 'I never new that there were so many swearwords in the German language.'

Sure enough, Kurt and Wanda were indeed in the infirmary. Kurt's tail had been trampled during another scrum.

'I can't say how sorry I am, Kurt.' Wanda apologised as she carefully bandaged the Fuzzy Elf's injured tail.

'Wanda, please…' Kurt grimaced slightly as he felt a twinge of pain shoot through his tail. 'Stop apologising. It wasn't your fault.'

'I was the one that stepped on your tail.' Wanda reminded him. 'Now, sit still and let me finish bandaging it.'

'Are you always this bossy to the other Avengers?' Kurt teased.

'Only to the ones that deserve it.' Wanda retorted. The mutant hex-caster finished bandaging Kurt's tail. 'Does that feel better.'

'Oh, ja. Much better, thank you.' Kurt smiled in thanks. 'You really have a talent for healing, Wanda.'

'Which is quite ironic, really.' Wanda smiled. 'I wanted to be a florist when I was a child.'

'A florist?' Kurt covered his mouth with his hand to hide his laughter.

'It was a simple life growing up amongst gypsies.' Wanda told him, totally ignoring the fuzzy elf's laughter. 'Anyway, what did you want to be when you grow up?'

'An acrobat, obviously!' Kurt smiled at the memory. 'The Amazing Nightcrawler!'

'Do you miss the circus?' Wanda enquired.

'Sometimes.' Kurt sighed nostalgically. 'Although, it's a pity that the people watching my trapeze act only thought I was wearing a costume.'

The fuzzy elf smiled as he got an idea.

'Hey, here's a crazy idea: A travelling circus is coming to town soon, what do you say that you and Cap join August and I for a night out?'

'That sounds like a great idea!' Wanda grinned. 'Just let me ask Steve and I'll get back to you.'

'I haven't been to see the circus in such a long time.' Kurt smiled. 'I think we shall have such a great time.'

'I think we had better get back to the others.' Wanda told him. 'People might start to talk.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Amazing Nightcrawler And The Circus Of Doom**

_The Shocker's Masters of Evil interrupt Kurt and August's double date with Captain America and the Scarlet Witch. Fortunately, the heroes have Colossus, Shadowcat, and Marrow as backup._


	21. The Circus of Doom: Part 1

**The Uncanny XSE**

**Chapter 21: The Amazing Nightcrawler And The Circus Of Doom- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__I must break you.'_- **Ivan Drago (Rocky IV)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Sarah, the former Morlock also known as Marrow, was wandering through the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. The young mutant woman was at a loss for anything to do. Everybody else seemed to be up to something, whether it was a mission away from the Institute or a night out with a loved one.

'Sarah, there you are! I have been looking everywhere for you.'

Sarah turned around to see Piotr Rasputin walking towards her. A slight smile appeared on her face. The Russian was one of the only X-Men that went out of their way to make her feel welcome. Sarah and Piotr had become good friends during her first stint with the X-Men. Sarah looked upon the taller mutant as an older brother she wished she had when she was younger.

'Hey Petey.' Sarah smiled in greeting. 'What can I do for you?'

'Kurt as invited Katya and myself to go to the circus with himself and August.' Piotr explained. 'I was wondering whether you wished to join us.'

'I don't know…' Sarah frowned slightly. 'I don't wanna be a third wheel or anything.'

'Think nothing of it.' Piotr reassured his friend. 'Kurt and the others will be happy to have you come along with us. You are an X-Man now, you are with friends.'

'But how am I gonna pay for all this?' Sarah asked. 'I ain't got no money.'

'Kurt is the one getting the tickets.' Piotr responded. 'And as for refreshments… Well, leave that to me.'

Sarah shook her head at that. Piotr Rasputin could be very stubborn when he wanted to. When the mood struck him he could be more stubborn than a particularly stubborn ox.

'You ain't gonna leave me be until I say yes, are ya?' Sarah sighed.

'Is that a yes?' Piotr enquired.

'I guess.' Sarah nodded in confirmation. 'Just gimmie a sec to get changed. Although, I don't know what I'm gonna wear. I ain't exactly got many pretty clothes to wear.'

'We are not going to an expensive restaurant, Sarah.' Piotr pointed out. 'There is no need to dress up in your best clothes. Just wear what you are most comfortable with.'

'I'll see you in a little while then.' Sarah confirmed with a nod. 'I just need something nice to wear. I ain't going out dressed like this…'

Piotr looked at his friend's attire. She was dressed in a faded white t-shirt with a picture of the Thing on it and some jeans with holes torn in the legs to allow the bone growths on her knees to protrude.

'If you are desperate for some clothes, I dare say that Katya will be willing to lend you some.'

'Oh, yeah. As if Pretty-Kitty's gonna let me borrow anything of hers.' Sarah scoffed, rolling her eyes. 'I don't think that she'd appreciate it if I give her back her favourite sweater full of holes.'

'Just wear whatever you wish.' Piotr responded. 'Katya and I will meet you downstairs in an hour or so, okay?'

* * *

**An hour or so later-**

Sarah had chosen to wear her best clothes after all. Okay, Sarah's best clothes pretty much consisted of a simple black t-shirt and leather pants. It wasn't easy to find a good wardrobe when you had bones sticking out all over your body.

'There she is…' Kitty smiled as she watched the former Morlock walk down the stairs. 'I was starting to think that you'd stood us up.'

'Hey, you know me, Pretty-Kitty…' Sarah smirked. 'I can't say no to free food.'

'Steve and Wanda will be here to pick us up in five minutes.' Kurt told the group. 'We had better wait outside for them.'

'Oh, you worry so much, Fuzzy.' August smiled as she ruffled her boyfriend's hair.

'_August!_' Kurt grimaced as he pulled away. 'Not the hair! Do you have any idea how long it took me to get it just right?'

'Geez Kurt, you fuss over your hair more than an average woman.' Kitty laughed.

'Katzchen, is it such a crime to wish to look one's best?' Kurt responded as he turned to a nearby mirror to fix his hair.

'I thought pride was supposed to be a sin, or something…' August teased.

'Don't you start making religious semantics with me.' Kurt retorted gently. 'We don't have the time.'

As if in support of the fuzzy elf's suspicions, the sound of a honking horn came from outside the front door.

'Ach nein!' Kurt cursed to himself. 'We are already late! Hurry! We have to hurry!'

'You are the one that needs to hurry, Tovarisch.' Piotr pointed out. 'We were all ready much sooner than you were.' Kurt shot his Russian friend a withering glare.

'Don't you start!'

* * *

**Lieber and Kurtzburg's Circus, a little while later-**

Thankfully, Kurt and the other X-Men hadn't been late at all, Steve Rogers and Wanda Maximoff were actually early. The Star-Spangled Sentinel of Liberty was a little over-zealous about his punctuality.

The five X-Men and two Avengers had parked up and were an the way to buy their tickets. Sarah looked about warily. Why weren't people reacting to the fact that mutants were amongst them?

'Uh, why aren't the norms freaking out?' Sarah asked, jerking her thumb in the direction of the crowd of people around them. 'Don't they have eyes?'

'That is my doing, I'm afraid.' Wanda explained. 'Before Steve and I left Avengers Mansion, I cast a spell to let us move amongst the public unhindered. If there are people here who wish us harm, then all they will see are a group of harmless-looking civilians.'

'Well, that's just… neat.' Sarah blinked in bemusement. 'Ooh, corndogs!'

'Let's not forget the cotton candy.' Kitty reminded her friend. 'Although, not all of us can eat it.'

'That was just the one time, Katzchen.' Kurt sighed. 'Is it my fault that cotton candy sticks to my fur?'

'The poor mite's the same with candy apples.' August chipped in. 'Although, when Kurt drinks milk he does get the cutest little moustache.' The raven-haired pyrokinetic smiled at the mental image.

'Oh, ja, let's all make fun of the fuzzy elf.' Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Let me remind you, however that I am the one paying for the tickets.'

'I wish that you would let me pay for Wanda and myself, Kurt.' Steve offered. 'I feel so guilty. It's like I'm taking advantage of you.'

'Think nothing of it, mein freund.' Kurt responded. 'We are all friends here. It is the least I could do.'

* * *

**Inside the circus tent-**

Kurt had purchased the tickets and the group had taken their seats. They were just waiting for the show to start.

'Wow, look at all these people…' Kitty let out an impressed whistle. 'And I thought circuses were going out of style.'

'Katya, shush.' Piotr whispered. 'The ringmaster has taken his place.'

'Ladies and gentlemen, if I might have your attention, please…'

The seven heroes all turned their attention to the centre of the tent where the ringmaster was about to begin the show. The man wore a brightly-decorated red-and-white costume with a great big top hat that hid his face.

'I'm afraid that your expected entertainment has been postponed for the moment…'

The ringmaster removed his hat to reveal a yellow-and-red quilted mask.

'I'm the Shocker and my buddies and I'd like you to meet some friends of mine…'

The vibro gauntlet-wearing villain motioned for his associates to join him.

'Introducing: Batroc the Leaper, Stilt Man, Boomerang, Constrictor, Whirlwind, and Tiger Shark.' The Shocker introduced them all. 'Together we're known as the Masters of Evil. We will be your captors for the evening!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Amazing Nightcrawler and the Circus of Doom- Part 2**

_Will Kurt and co be able to beat the Shocker's Masters of Evil? Tune in next time to find out!_


End file.
